Ruins of Autumn

70• I Can Explain!

    " 'Yuri's Luck' has more strict rules than the 'Bruce & Ashton' company," Anila told him about her current job. "I got used to the freedom that I had at Bruce's thanks to you."

    Sidoreli, sitting across from her on the soft brown sofa in the living room of his house, grinned lightly.

    "You can come back whenever you want," he offered. "It would be a pleasure for me."

    "What kind of pleasure?" She ran her fingers softly across his exposed arm in his white short-sleeved T-shirt. "As a colleague, or as my boyfriend?"

    "Which one do you like the most?'

    Anila laughed at his flirtatious question. "Colleague," she openly lied. "But I'm free to have my mind changed."

    The brighter brown of her eyes added more liveliness to him, and he grinned.

    "I missed you."

    "Me too," Anila agreed with her head down. "I'm sorry. All those things happened because of my fault. That day, when we were going to the sea after you left my house, I thought that nothing bad would happen if I looked in a mirror, that my fear had passed, and I used the elevator mirror to find out, but I was early."

    She recalled the indifferent face that she had made, to look unaffected and not think about Blerimi, and remembered the brokenness she had suffered when she had seen herself in the mirror: the running inside the house, the locking of the main door, the hiding in the bedroom, which was the furthest room from the elevator, the crouching of her body at the edge of the room, and the crying as if the mirror had followed her there.

    "I couldn't call you out of fear that you would inadvertently judge me as crazy for being tired of my situation. I thought that I would never overcome that situation and decided to save you by breaking up with you."

    Sidoreli was listening formally with seriousness, without making any face of pity or anger.

    "What did you realise then?" he asked with the same strict energy in his voice.

    "That you truly love me, and you are worth being in my life. I don't want to leave you anymore." Anila felt a slight sting in her eyes from the thin layer formed by the tears.

    "You're here now; that matters." Sidoreli caressed her hair without changing his facial expression, and she smiled, feeling stronger from the energy reflected in his physical features. He was like an unshakable foundation for the shocking events that could happen to a man, from whom she could always find support.

    "Sidorel, I accept all the responsibility for how things went between you and me," said Anila. "If you're confused about the two of us and need some time to clarify things for yourself, that's fine with me."

    "I'm not confused at all," he said in a serious tone, like the moments when he made an important decision in life. "I am with you because I want to be, not with two minds nor out of compulsion. If I want to break up, I'll tell you. I won't do anything behind your back or cause you problems if you want to break up. I'll completely give up on you. So you can stay calm."

    "Thank you for the respect," she looked at his lips and smiled, seduced by their beautiful, unchanged colour.

    "Do you have anything to say or do?" He encouraged her, and Anila approached him to kiss him.