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i breathe in and out and knock on the door to my sisters house.

"get the door please ava." i hear my sister call for ava.

"ok!"

the door opens and i'm met with ava.

"hello sage!" she greets and hugs me.

i return the hug and she invites me in.

i sat on the couch and a little girl walks out of the dining room.

"mama! mama! look what i made!" she beams with happiness as she runs to ava holding a paper in her hands.

she looks at me and takes a step back.

"who's this mama?" she asks, looking at ava.

"this is sage, mamí's brother." ava goes back to cooking.

"oh, hi hi!" she waves and shows me her paper. "i drew this myself!"

"that looks awesome!" i smile at elise.

"do you watch bluey?" she asks me.

"of course i love that show!" i reply.

"can we put it on?" she asks and i nod. "mama, bluey please."

"it's on the table." she motions at the coffee table in the middle of the living room.

i turn on the tv and elise sits beside me.

"you were scary, now your not, cause you watch bluey." she leans on me. "and you know my mamí."

i'm scary?

i do have a rbf but no one ever pointed it out before.
i turn on my phone to see my reflection and i do look a little mad but i not really scary.

"hey sage!" mabel ran and hugged me.

"hey mabel!" i smiled as we let go.

"mamí! mamí!" elise smiles. "sage is your brother?" she asks.

"mhm!" she ruffles her hair.

"he's my tío?" she asks.

"yep!" mabel smiles.

"what do you want on your sandwich sage?" ava asked me.

food. my fucking enemy.

"everything on it is fine." i smile but inside isn't happy.

they're going to watch you eat.
they're going to judge.
she's going to leave you again.
this is why she left the first time.
cause your fucking fat.
fat bitch.
what is wrong with you?

we sat down to eat at the table and i stare at my food in front of me while mabel puts elise in the high chair.

"so sage, what do you do for a living?" ava smiles.

"i stream, i would like to work at a coffee shop but streaming is more flexible." i take a small bite of my sandwich and my stomach twists and hurts.

"that's cool!" ava takes a bite of her food.

your fat they're looking at you! judging you! hating you!

your doing great. i hear wilbur's voice in my head. take your time. no one's watching you.

i look around and ava is talking to mabel about something and  elise is watching them.

no one's watching me. see no one's watching you. i'm proud of you.

i smile as i take another bite of my sandwich.

after i finish i look at the time. "oh shoot it's 4:20 already. i have to go to practice."

i put my phone in my pocket and say my goodbyes.

"i don't want you to leave." elise hugs my legs.

"i'll come and visit tomorrow if i'm not busy." i hug her.

"promise?" she asks.

"i promise."

i call an uber and leave to the concert place.

i walk in a hoodie cause my clothes are in the tour bus. i keep my hood on my head and mask on just in case someone would recognize me.

"can i help you?" the security lady asks, kinda intimidatingly.

"um hi, im sage, i play with wilbur on stage. i kinda need to get back there." i reply, not very confident cause this lady is staring me down.

"oh yeah and im the queen of england." she says sarcastically. "get to the back of the line."

i don't know what to do in this situation so i walk back and call wilbur.

"hello?" wilbur picks up.

"oh hey, the security guard won't let me in."

"oh, i'll just come out." he says through the phone.

"okay, are you sure?"

"yeah i'll escort you backstage." wilbur smiles, i cant see it but i can hear it.

"ok, see you soon i guess."

we hang up and i wait.

i hear very loud 'woo's and cheers and see wilbur walking out.

"sage!" wilbur exclaims.

"wilbur!" i run and follow him backstage.

the security lady looked pissed but i just smiled at her. told you so bitch.
______________________________________

helloooooo loveliessssss

best fucking words to end on, am i right?

also it was so adorable to write about elise. i like kids just don't like being around them for too long. or else i'll prolly drop kick them in self defense 🤷

anyways make sure you eat food and drink water <33

-indie <3

June 28, 2023

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