Malec - One Shots.

Alone.

The day started like any other. Alone. How horrid it was to turn and look around and there would be no one there. No one by his side. Alec swallowed his tears. How can someone care so much and at the same time feel empty inside?

He didn't know but that was exactly how he felt.

Magnus tried his best to help, but the majority of the time they would simply sit in silence together, holding hands or Alec would be curled up against Magnus' chest as he tried his best to breathe.

The people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive. Detached and disconnected, the world seems colder than before. Your whole body drowns while everyone else breathes perfectly. An anchor attached to one foot and your lungs on fire.

But then after a while it stops burning. It stops hurting and you go numb.

That was how Alec felt, like everyone had forgotten his existence and he was forever trapped in a never-ending circle of downs. The pain became normality. Some day he simply hurt less than others – he was never particularly happy.

The more Alec thought the more he felt like crying, until he reached a point where he didn't think anymore. He didn't shower, he didn't eat – he simply existed. He would cry on occasion, break down and silently sob to himself in the shower or wrapped in cold sheets.

Other times Magnus yelled at him.

He could understand his irritance, Alec didn't do anything anymore. He didn't want to. "Why won't you talk to me! Alec please baby. You need to help me understand, you need to talk to me and to tell me what you're feeling. I'm fed up of feeling worthless, USELESS like I'm just sat waiting for you to die. I want to help you. Let me help you. I hate this. I-" Then he would walk out. Every time he yelled he would walk out.

There was always that fear that he wouldn't come back but he did each time and apologised. The pain was worse when Magnus cried to him. He preferred the shouting over the crying.

"No words can explain the way I'm missing you. Why won't you come back to me? Alec please!" he would beg and beg but there would never be a reaction to his words. Just silence.  The more Alec thought the more he felt like crying, until he reached a point where he didn't think anymore. He didn't shower, he didn't eat – he simply existed.

He knew he was losing Magnus because of this, because of him. It started when he stopped saying his goodnights, that's when he knew he had lost him. It didn't take long for them to fall further apart. They tried, Alec apologised "I'm trying." He would say in a quiet and innocent voice but the dull blue eyes and greasy hair told a different story. I really am trying. Alec thought to himself.

It never became official, Magnus and Alec ending but Alec knew it had happened. He felt it. He was unsure whether it was the fact they never said goodbye that hurt or the flashbacks that followed of them previously laughing doing some sort of activity, lost in each other's eyes with arms tightly folded around each other.

That's what hurt. The memories.

Alec knew no what it felt like to be forgotten. He thought it was hard at first but when Magnus drifted from him it felt like he had been happy previously. A hole had torn through him leaving nothing but blinding white light. A branding pain.

It was funny how a year ago they promised each other forever and now they struggled to look each other in the eye whenever they met. It wasn't often as Alec stayed inside, alone. It was only when Isabelle or Jace required his assistance did he enter the institute.

He wanted to run to Magnus, to tell him that no matter how busy his mind was there was always a part of it thinking of him – missing him. But his feet would freeze and his body become immobile.

Anger would boil up inside of him only to erupt as tears and uncontrollable shaking. Feeling weak and vulnerable was what he hated most about it. He couldn't ever shout with his voice sharp and his face stern. It always ended in him breaking down.

Alec was always soft for Magnus. He could come running back in five years' time and Alec would open the door and embrace him with open arms and feel like home. He was not getting over it, any of it.

His lips parted, body shaking Alec leant against the cold window in his room with his oversized sweater on and his hair askew. Whispering to himself "Maybe one day we'll meet again, when we're different people. Maybe then we'll be better for each other... if only people changed. They don't they, sometime they just forget who they really are."

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