Under Control.

chapter seventeen.

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Julian had spent the rest of the party and the two days that followed it, spiralling.

He couldn't even really be sure who he was mad at, was the truth. All he knew was that he was. And by the time the fog of his own menace has lifted, he only just manages to make it to Nora's apartment in time enough to catch her as she's rushing out door.

'Hey,' he says, hoping he sounds cool and casual, and not like someone who has just wasted two full days terrorising everyone around him all because he has managed to dig himself yet another a Nora-shaped hole. But Nora barely acknowledges him in return, and the thought of this conversation going down anything like the last one Julian had tried having with her up on the rooftop, sends an icy ripple through him.

'I'm running late. What's up?' Nora doesn't stop moving. She locks up her door and pockets her keys and fixes her scarf and keeps wandering forwards, away from this place and away from Julian.

'I thought we could talk,' Julian realises as he's saying the words that he probably should have thought all of this out a bit better before he high-tailed it over here. 'We didn't really get a chance the other night. Not, you know, properly.'

Nora is floating away from him still, only just barely there.

'You were busy,' she says, fiddling with the phone she's just pulled from her bag. 'You've been busy. It's fine.'

'Hey, Nora, just — will you just hold up, for a second?' Julian tries to grab her gently by the arm, but when he touches her she stares coldly at his fingertips, and so he lets go. 'I should have called you. Okay? I'm sorry.'

'It's fine,' she repeats herself, and for some reason, that's Julian's last straw.

'Would you stop saying that? It's clearly not. You're clearly not fine. So let's just talk about it. Can you just look at me, for fucks sake? Just look at me for a second.'

Nora takes a shaky breath while Julian is rambling. She doesn't want to look at him. She doesn't want to see his sad eyes, or have him realise the hurt lurking behind hers. But Julian is as stubborn as she is, Nora knows, and so she doesn't have a choice. But maybe if she can just do it, she hopes — just for a second — then, he might finally leave her be.

'I have to go to work,' Nora says, looking him straight in his puppy-dog eyes. 'Okay, Julian? I will see you later.'

Nora knows there's something waiting in the shadows that Julian hasn't noticed, yet. Usually, it would be impossible to get anything by him. But he doesn't seem as much like himself since he'd gotten back as he had done before he went away. And so, Nora thinks, maybe she's about to get away with this.

'What if I meet you after work?' Julian is about to give in. But then he looks away from Nora's eyes, just for a flash, just to catch his breath from all the hurt in her that he knows is there because of him, and he sees. 'Who the fuck is that?'

Julian's gaze catches on the man waiting for Nora over at the gate. Little does he know, it's no one. It's just a colleague — a guy who's been head hunting her and maybe who wants to get into her pants, Nora's not sure. And that's because she doesn't care. But Nora doesn't owe Julian anything at this point, and so, she brushes him off.

'A colleague,' she sighs, unaffected. But Julian fixes on her all the same. The moment, this conversation, her words — they're aching, and Julian doesn't know why.

He wants to fix this, but he doesn't know how.

'Does he know that?' He spits the words, lashing out despite himself, and regretting it as soon as he sees the look spreading across Nora's face.