Hold Me Close

busted

The alarm blares in my ears until we are both awake. Alexia buries her face further into my neck, muttering something unintelligible. I can feel her words against my skin, but I swallow hard and try to forget the sensation, separating myself from the situation. It is all in the name of professionalism. She is an essential part of the team, and she needs to be well-rested. I hate her.

Abruptly, Alexia jolts upright, taking the covers with her. I shiver. "Bon dia," she says slowly, perhaps remembering whose neck she just pressed her lips against. "I am going to call the landlord."

It is six in the morning. We have to get to the training centre at ten for recovery, and I have a session with the psychologist booked to minimise the damage of the first leg of our semi-final against my old club. "Good idea," I reply, rubbing my eyes, allowing the slight burn my knuckles cause to wake me up more. She is still sitting up, though the sheets have dropped back to encompass me in their warmth yet again. Her t-shirt has ridden up slightly, and I almost lean forward to kiss her exposed skin. I shake my head to return to my senses.

"And you?" Alexia twists so that she is facing me, but with the different levels, it feels like I am underneath her. I gulp. "You are going to get up? You had good sleep?" She looks at me like she is a deer caught in headlights. It is nice to know that we are feeling the same way, but I hope our mutual horror is less apparent on my face. "Am I speaking English?"

"Yeah, you are," I quickly reply. "Sorry. Yeah – I'm going to get up now. I need to make breakfast. Do you want breakfast?" She blinks. I understand that mornings in a language that is not your native one can be sluggish. "¿Quieres desayuno?"

"Sí, porfa." She swings her legs out of bed. "No one can know."

"Agreed."

"Just like they don't know about our kiss." I don't like how she brings it up, almost as if she is wielding it like some weapon. It was a heated night and it's easy to confuse hate for other emotions.

"Right."

Lucy and Keira know. Jaimie knows. Leah may know. But that is basically no one.

"Good."

"Yep."

She opens the door and Oli slinks inside the bedroom, but not before Alexia strokes him enough to get his tongue to poke out of his mouth in his haze of bliss. "Judas," I grumble at him as he jumps up onto the bed, picking him up anyway. "Heb je honger?" He mewls. I groan, now having no choice but to get out of bed at the same time as Alexia. She goes into the bathroom – not my ensuite, thank God – so that she can get ready and talk to our landlord in private. I carry Oli to the kitchen.

"¿Qué quieres comer?" I call out as soon as Oli has eaten, beginning to heat up the frying pan in order to cook eggs or something similar. Jaimie has been nagging me about using the (few) cooking skills I have.

She appears beside me. "No me importa; no tengo hambre." Her skin smells fresh and her hair has been brushed back into a high ponytail. I step back to put a bit of distance between us. God knows we need it.

"¿Tienes sed?" I ask, dodging around her and opening the fridge. I have two eggs left and half a carton of Jaimie's orange juice. I am not a fan. I think she puts something in it to make it taste awful.

"Is that Jaimie's?" Alexia points to the carton. "They want to make a deal with me but it is not nice tasting."

I laugh. This must be what I sound like when I attempt to speak Spanish. "No, I agree, but Jaimie loves it. She drinks it every morning."

"She is living here," Alexia says, though I think it is a question. "For how long? She was in London with Leah Williamson, no?"

"They're together." I shudder, still weirded out with the collision of two worlds and the fact that Jaimie does not want me to change her sheets. It's disgusting. "She's injured, so when she's getting closer to being fit to play, she'll probably fly to wherever her next tournament is. I don't really know what she's doing." Her spontaneity grows with her strengthening Australian accent. She reminds me a lot of Mumma, though at least Jaimie cares enough to visit.