Hold Me Close

tal vez

Alexia groans as we wake up, muttering something about her back hurting. The sound is too close to my ear, too loud, too understandable, for Alexia to be where she was when I had last been awake. I open my eyes reluctantly, wanting the peacefulness to stay longer, not prepared to let how comfortable I am be ruined by who the person lying almost completely on top of me happens to be.

She spreads out, still half-asleep, and I wrap my arms around her, feeling like I will get pins and needles if I don't move them. "You're going to suffocate me," I mumble as she somehow pulls the blanket up to cover my face. "I know you don't like me, but murder is a bit drastic."

"Who says I do not like you?" Her words are muffled by the cushions her face is buried in, but the smirk she bears is evident in her tone. She is slowly waking up.

"You did. Multiple times." To my face, behind my back, and even to our manager. "Why? Have I charmed you?"

"Tal vez."

She sits up, using the back of the sofa as a support as she hauls her body off mine, legs swinging onto the floor as she shudders. It's colder without her, but I'll manage, I decide. Alexia and I have got to stop fucking cuddling.

"Are you hungry? Do you need to go home to your sister?" she asks as I stretch my arms out, clearing her coffee table and stacking our notebooks on top of one another.

"I'm fine right now, and Jaimie's in Menorca, claiming the spa will be the key to her success upon her return to the tour." She just wanted an excuse to get pleasant massages. Physiotherapy is tedious after a while, and I don't blame her for craving the touch of a professional who isn't hellbent on making her writhe in pain. "We have a day off. I think Ingrid wants to go for a hike, and I can't get out of it. What are you going to do today?"

"I am going to go to Mollet del Vallès," she answers with a reminiscent smile that worsens the homesickness still lingering in my chest. "I am going to a big lunch. My mother and sister tell me that I do not visit enough. Nala is with my mother, also."

I was wondering where the demon was.

I get up from the sofa, rubbing my eyes to wake myself up a bit more. She watches as I lace my trainers up, and hands me my notebook on my way out.

"See you soon, Alexia," I tell her as I walk out the door. She nods. There is a sinking disappointment that makes my lips droop into a frown, but my back is to her my the time it is obvious, and I return myself to my apartment where I can forget about the shift between us. It's a good thing that I can now tolerate her company. It isn't so good that it is hard to leave it.

Jonatan is glad to see the change between us, and tests it by adding people to our midfield sessions.

I get the feeling that it became just Alexia and I because it was too dangerous for others to participate, especially when the confusion sets in on Aitana's face when Alexia and I pair up and she is left on her own.

The same expression is worn by Mapi in training, when Alexia pinches the fabric of my sleeve and pulls me in her direction, wanting to continue our conversation from earlier in the morning. She had stopped by my door on her way down, me having conveniently left my apartment just as she walked past. With Jaimie now in France, I leave the house sooner, needing the social interaction I have when with the team.

We mostly ignore it; the looks, the questions. We are both so focused on winning the final that is ever-approaching that it is easy to do that. It's like blocking out the noise of a stadium during a match – it comes naturally.

Our hotel room is now occupied by us the minute dinner was over. There is no avoiding each other, no unnecessarily snarky comments.

It's the last game of the season, and Alexia is worried that we will lose and embarrass ourselves.