Hold Me Close

te extraño

The morning is fresh and bright – exactly what I don't want. My cousin, a teacher, knows how to party well. Lize seemed to remember our raving days perfectly, and picked up from there. We only got back to her house, situated in the city's quieter suburbs, a few hours ago. I must have slept for twenty minutes before her toddler came bounding in, giggling her way through her request for me to take her to the nearby park. Noa has brought along her football; muddy and well-used already.

I smile as she separates herself from me the minute we reach the actual park, seemingly not caring at all for the way a teenager out on her morning run does a double-take at the sight of me. She even has the nerve to protest when I drop her ball to the ground and kick it instead, declaring that the game has not started yet.

Sighing, I rub my eyes with my hands to clear the hangover from my vision, telling myself that it's a mental game, really. Noa is determined in her journey to the pond, absolutely fascinated by the flapping of the early-rising ducks. She quietly imitates the sounds they make, doing it under her breath as if to perfect it before showing off her new skill, and is very much pleased with herself the minute it sounds similar. I endure her quacking as we round the pond, heading towards the children's playground.

"Your turn," Noa states as I lead us to a bench, needing to sit down before I lurch and lean and forget what sobriety feels like.

"Let's have a break," I tell her, though we have only been walking for fifteen minutes. Her ball rolls off the bench as she scrambles up beside me. I pull her and her warmth onto my lap, feeling a shiver run through me despite the relatively warm weather. "There's only so much exercise I can take."

She frowns audibly – in that incredibly expressive way only children seem to be capable of. "But football?"

"Ja, I play football. I also like to be lazy." I get a few weeks a year to be completely relaxed, and I prefer to make the most of them. Noa just happens to be unfairly adorable and her parents were very encouraging about me taking her out. "It's good to have a balance, schatje. Find equilibrium."

"Fancy word," she mumbles, unimpressed. "Flootz." She tugs at the fabric of my t-shirt, trying to get my attention as if she doesn't have it all already. "Flootz," says Noa once more, sounding faintly like her mother. She carries the same whiny insistence.

"Ja?"

"You know Alexia Putellas?"

"Ja, and you have met her." That was a terribly confusing day.

"She's my third favourite." She holds up three fingers, thrusting them into my face as if to further convey her point. "You are my favourite, and then Leah, and then Alexia Putellas. Flootz, did you know that Jaimie is Leah's girlfriend? Leah is my second favourite!"

"I'm sure Jaimie had you in mind when she was choosing who to date." Noa nods enthusiastically, totally agreeing with such a silly statement. I laugh – I'll let someone else deal with the effects of that. "Are you still an Arsenal fan, then?"

"My mother says I am not allowed."

I poke her cheek as she purses her lips, frowning as though she feels those words incredibly deep in her soul. "Your mother is right. I always thought your uncle Luka would be the disgrace of the family, but you're doing quite well for a little baby."

"I'm not a baby!" she protests, her smile returning as she cheekily thinks of a way to get me back. "Flootz, I'm not a baby." She jabs my stomach with her chubby toddler fingers, sending a dull ache through me as I curl into myself, hiding from her hands as they continue to prod at me. She giggles loudly, the sound practically echoing through the empty park, and I let her have her fun. I'll push her over when we play football later.