Hold Me Close

a face in the dark

There are two ways that Jaimie could fix me. There are two ways this has always happened.

The first: dragging me to a woman's office and waiting outside for however long it takes for me to open up. It is undependable and rarely works, because I don't ever want to talk to them and they can read on my file that prescribing me something to alter the chemical fuck-up of my hormones doesn't work. It isn't that antidepressants are literally ineffective – I just simply cannot stomach taking a pill every day to do something that normal people seem to be capable of. They make me feel weak.

The second: go out to a bar. And drink. A lot.

She leaps at the chance to drive my car, comparing hers with mine the entire journey from María's house to my apartment. There are a few more cars parked outside than usual, including an old Fiat 500 that I'm sure belongs to the new player at the club. Maybe the club owns this entire building and uses it as a barracks for their most promising troops.

We sneak inside, even if this is where I live, me carrying Jaimie's suitcase because I can see how she limps slightly. The reason for our stealth is simply that I don't want to have to see Mapi and answer her questions, or see Alexia and keep my anger in.

Unfortunately, Ingrid and Mapi, at seven o'clock in the evening the day before a match, have just returned from a walk, and are waiting for the lift in the foyer.

"Fleur?" Ingrid asks, more disbelieving than excited. "You're here?" Jaimie stands behind me so that I am unable to turn around and run away. "Oh my god, and Jaimie!"

"Hi, Ingrid," my sister says. They know each other through Jill. As I said before, if Jill and Jaimie weren't both in relationships, they'd surely be together. I am glad they are not. "Hola, Mapi."

"Hello." Mapi blames my sister for being forced to watch tennis matches. She hates tennis, she has decided. "Why are you not at your mother's house?"

"Going out," I reply, shrugging. "Have you met Talia Segura yet? What did you think of her?"

"Sí, she is like a baby Alexia."

I nod. I thought so too, though Talia is not as evil and conniving as the real deal. "She lives in this building? I saw her car."

"You met Talia, but not me?"

"It wasn't by choice, if that's any consolation." She frowns, shaking her head. The lift has arrived, and we enter as Alexia exits. We all pause.

"Are you alright, Fleur?" she asks me, much to my surprise. I am so taken off guard that the anger hasn't yet bubbled up inside of me, despite the return of most of my emotions. "You are not playing tomorrow." The players must have been left in the dark. My absence is obvious, but the reason for it is being left up to their imagination. "You are still..."

"Yes."

Her eyes grow softer but her jaw clenches. "I will see you in two days, yes?" For another stupid 1-v-1. Once I have acknowledged her question, she walks away.

Mapi grumbles something about being a ghost in Alexia's eyes. It seems that she didn't notice anyone was there except for me.

━━━━━━━

I am very drunk.

Now that I have been bullied into feeling things again, I am aware of the shards of my heart that were shattered somewhere between Scarlett's death and now. If I were to jump up and down, I am sure my chest would jingle as the pieces danced around.