Denying Love - (Will Singe/The Collective Fan Fic)

Chapter 24

I know it's late but I felt it wasn't good enough so I fixed it until i was happy xx

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Chapter 24

Rose's POV

It’s been 3 days and I feel as though I haven't moved. I guess that's mostly true. I've only gotten out of bed to get food and go to the toilet. 

I tried watching movies and eating chocolate like girls supposedly do to make themselves feel better but for me it doesn't work. It only makes me cry and crying makes me remember. And remembering tears the whole in my heart deeper because I know it's my fault.

Sky had popped over a few times to pep me up and get me to go to the studio but I just didn't have the physical or emotional energy to do so. I felt powerless.

And I was. I was powerless to everything because now that I'd made the mistake the situation was out of my hands. Many people say you can fix problems and you can have a second chance but obviously none of them had ever been in my situation.

They'd never watched love, faith and hope shatter all at once in someone’s eyes knowing they were the cause of every little piece on the floor. They didn't make a mistake big enough that their heart shattered along with their loved ones.

That was exactly what I felt I experienced. I caused immense pain and suffering for Will to endure. I couldn't even blame alcohol for a small piece of it because even though I wasn't thinking straight, it had nothing to do with alcohol.

Despite the fact that I slept a lot I still felt ridiculously tired. I felt as if each day I woke up from a marathon and my muscles just couldn’t hold on to any energy at all. Moving around felt like so much effort.

I didn't deserve the gift of life. So many people out there, innocent kind people, were dying of cancer and sickness. Meanwhile I live, making huge mistakes and hurting people as I did so. If I had the choice I'd hand my life away to someone more deserving in a heartbeat.

But that wasn't possible and life was a gift so I wasn't going to waste it by ending it. I was just going to pathetically mope around hoping that life would help and guide me on the right track.

I was repeating my actions from previous days over again. I grabbed a bag of microwave popcorn though since this time I was out of 2 minute noodles. I had to get more of them.

At that moment the front door flung open and I spun around clutching my chest from fright. My breathing increased drastically.

"Ok. This is enough!" I heard Nikki's familiar voice shout down the hallway.

I could hear her thumping down the hall until she spun around the corner to face me. She had a frown evident on her face which quickly softened as she sighed, shaking her head and holding the bridge of her nose with her fingers.

"Oh geezus. You look like shit too" She shook her head.

Usually I would respond with a 'hello to you too' or something rather but I felt too guilty to say anything like that at this point.

Instead I said. "Will's probably worse considering what I did to him" 

"You're right, he is" she said bluntly. Wow way to break it easy I thought sarcastically.

I just nodded guiltily and looked down at the floor forgetting my bag of popcorn and leaving it to sit on the table. 

"I'm ready" I said softly.

"Ready for what?" she asked squinting her eyebrows.

"For you to yell at me" I replied still not meeting her eyes.