What Life Holds

19

The Next Day
Arizona had decided not to tell Meredith about her worries, she hated it but she wanted it to come from Miranda cause maybe if it came from Dr Bailey, Meredith may fight it less. Arizona knew she needed to talk to Miranda away from Meredith but she wasn't sure when it would be best to do so.
"Oh Mer," Miranda sighed as she entered noticing the scarf wrapped around Meredith's head and piecing together the reason. "That's ok love, your just as beautiful as always now are you ready to start your next round of chemo?" Dr Bailey asked, Arizona knew she had to bite the bullet and talk to Miranda but she didn't want to do it in front of Mer, suddenly she had an idea.
"You know the deal... oh I'm being paged I'll be right back" Miranda stated before rushing out to the nurses station, "I got a 911 page?" The nurses looked at each other confused,
"None of us paged you, I don't know?" One of the nurses explained,
"I pages you I needed to talk to you without Mer hearing" Arizona explained from behind Miranda
"Oh um is everything ok Arizona?" Miranda asked confused.
"Yes, no well kinda, I um.." Arizona stammered
"What's wrong Arizona is there something you need to tell me about Meredith" Miranda exclaimed getting nervous
"Just come over here where I know Meredith won't be able to here me" Arizona sighed pulling Miranda to the other side of the nurses stations.
"Arizona your worrying me what is it?" Miranda snapped getting slightly annoyed at Arizona
"I need you to check Meredith's weight I think between the chemo and the nausea she's become malnourished I'm worried she needs a feeding tube, she's eating don't get me wrong but..." she paused, tears filling her eyes.
"But it's not enough to keep her weight up and she throws up half the stuff she eats right?" Miranda finished, she remembered from Izzie, and all the other patients she'd seen go through treatment. Arizona just nodded,
"Miranda I also think..." she stopped again holding back a sob,
"It's ok" Miranda cooed,
"She's been...she's been having accidents both cause she didn't realise and others cause she couldn't get to the bathroom." Arizona explained, hoping it was wouldn't be easier to just say it.
"So you think she might need a catheter?" Miranda asked trying to understand what Arizona meant.
Arizona once again just nodded, she was used to this feeding tubes and catheters where parts of cancer and chemo treatment but it was different when it was her wife in there, this wasn't some stranger they where talking about it was the love of her life, the mother of her babies, regardless of relation Meredith was a mother to Sofia the same way all of Meredith's kids where Arizona's kids.
"Ok, she's not going to like the idea" Miranda laughed as she pulled Arizona into a hug
"I know that's why I'm getting you to suggest it and not me" Arizona laughed slightly as she hugged Miranda back. "Thanks Mandy"
"No problem Ari" Miranda replied as they walked back toward Meredith's room.
"Look who I found on my way back from the bathroom" Arizona lied as she ended the room she hated lying to Meredith but she didn't know what else to do.
"Ok Meredith before we get started, I want to do a quick check up just to see how your reacting to the chemo. So um first I get you to change into one of the hospital gowns so I can weigh you" Miranda explained, as Meredith tried to push herself up in the bed she was sitting in she felt herself getting dizzy and sat back down.
"Here let me help you" Arizona cooed helping Meredith into the gown, and helping her stand up on the scale. Arizona's heart sunk as she say Meredith's weight she knew it was bad but she didn't realise it was this bad,
"Ok thank you Meredith, you can hope back in the bed now," Miranda explained as she looked down at her notebooks trying to avoid the eyes of her once intern. "Ok so Meredith since the beginning of your treatment you have been constantly losing weight and unfortunately now it had reached a point where it is becoming a concern" Dr Bailey started to explain before Meredith interrupted
"What do you mean a concern"
"Honey, let Miranda keep taking it's ok" Arizona cooed attempting to calm her wife, she Meredith was going to hate this idea but it needed to be done.
"As I was saying, it's become a concern meaning based on your weight I believe you may be starting to become malnourished, I will get a blood test to check but if the results come back that you are malnourished we will have to start treatment" Miranda finished looking at her clipboard instead of the teary eyes Meredith.
"By treatment you mean..." Meredith started but couldn't finish the sentence
"She means a feeding tube, Meri" Arizona explained hoping her wife wouldn't fight them too much on it.
"No I can't, please don't make me, I'm already hideous enough without it please, I'm already so weak I don't want to look weaker" Meredith began to cry burying her head in her hands,
"My love don't say that you are no hideous, plus is a feeding tube is what you need to stay healthy then it will make you look stronger not weaker you are trying to fight this thing, that taking over your body and you are willing to do everything to fight" Arizona cooed gently rubbing Meredith's back.
"Ok," Meredith whispered,
"Thank you Meredith" Miranda explained carefully taking some of Meredith's blood to test it although both her and Arizona already knew what the outcome was going to be.
"Now Meredith I know this is a lot to take in but I also want to check, people with cancer and chemo as aggressive as yours can somethings have trouble with using the bathroom either losing control or struggling with getting to the bathroom resulting in accidents, people facing this often find it easier to utilise a catheter, have you been having any issues along these lines" Miranda asked trying to seem as generalised as possible.
"No I'm fine" Meredith lies not realising Arizona had already told Miranda the truth.
"Meredith honey don't lie, you had two accidents yesterday" Arizona explained, she didn't want to upset her wife but she knew it would make life easier for Meredith if she had the catheter.
"That was one day I don't need a catheter for one day please I'm not that incompetent" Meredith snapped turning away from Arizona.
"I'm sorry Mer, I didn't meant to I just, I know what it's like to not be able to pee by yourself I thought this might help," Arizona cooed trying to comfort Meredith.
"No you don't get it, Zona, I look so weak I don't have any hair not even eyebrows, I'm about to have a nasal feeding tube, I can barely stay awake all day let alone stand on my own, I don't want a catheter it's just another reminder of how incompetent I am becoming" Meredith snapped again this time facing Arizona.
"I'm sorry mer, I didn't, you not becoming incompetent your fighting cancer that takes so much strength strength I don't think even I have. But you don't want a catheter that's fine I just want you to be happy and comfortable" Arizona cooed,
"How about we leave it for now and if after the next few days there are still issues we will discuss it then?" Miranda suggested, she hated seeing the pair fight,
"Yeah ok" Meredith sighed, "and I know, I'm going to need the feeding tube, but can you sedate me when you insert it please I can't bare to be awake while you do it" Meredith explained reaching out her hand for Arizona
"Of course let me start your treatment for today then I'll get your blood tested in the lab just to make sure... It's going to be ok Meredith" Miranda said smiling at the couple once she started Meredith's treatment and left the room.
"Here my love," Arizona cooed as she pulled a blanket over Meredith as she started to shiver once the chemo entered her body, "get some rest, and I'll make sure your asleep if we have to give you a feeding tube.

Authors Note
I hope you liked this chapter,
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