Happy To Die

Chapter 23

The clinic was full of expecting mothers, women that weren't ready for children, women that were abused, women that simply wasn't ready for motherhood, I was one of them. I wanted to be a mother, but not now, not while we were still in danger, and not when I would have to wait to know the father of my child. I knew both Changkyun and Namjoon would be amazing fathers, but it wasn't the right time. I had taken time away to decide what was best for our situation, this was the only option for now. Karly seemed to be taking her time, dealing with her own trauma, we couldn't heal together, it was too much for the both of us, we experienced more than we wanted to with one another, our boundaries were crossed, but that didn't change our loyalty and love for one another. Yoongi stayed focused on the ingredients, promising himself that he would destroy everyone. Jimin was my sparring partner. I couldn't face Namjoon not knowing I could be carrying his child. Jin and Changkyun, doubled down on security on all our territories.

"Ms. Akito, we are ready for you." The nurse called me in, I swallowed knowing when I walked through that door, there was no going back. Once the nurse closed to door, I ignored the tiny heartbeat in my womb, pushing away the pain. I promised myself this would be the only baby I would give up.

"Ms. Akito, take time to heal, I reinserted your birth control, but please inform your fiancé that he has to wait until he touch you again." I smiled politely as the nurse handed me my discharge papers. If she only knew what I had endured these last months, what Karly and I had both endured, although Wonho, took better care of Karly that didn't change how much that she was effected.

Jimin drove me back home, to my surprise Jungkook was waiting for me, I could see the guilt in his doe eyes. I wasn't upset with him; I was upset that our father allowed the ideal of power for us to go through so much. Our father had tried to reach out, but I didn't want to hear from him.

"Haven, please come see our father, he has been living in guilt, we didn't know how bad things were. You could always handle anything; we thought that even with Karly, you would make it out okay. We love you, please don't do this."

"A real father would have listened to his child when she made it clear that she didn't want to go on this mission. He would have heard her cries, he wouldn't have put her in a situation where she had a miscarriage from the man she was supposed to spy on, she wouldn't have been drugged, and she wouldn't have had to just come home to hear this bullshit after aborting a child, she really wanted to keep." Changkyun picked up my weak body, glaring at my brother. "She will see you when she is ready, if I see your face, or Mr. Jeons, I will kill you...my wife will choose her own life now." Jungkook froze, wanting to argue back, but Changkyun made it clear where he stood.

"Wife?" Jungkook was trying to figure out when we wed.

"I took her on her land, and we eloped, I wanted my wife to fill safe when I made my vows to her." Jungkook stepped back, shaking his head. I could see his pain I wanted to comfort him.

"Not now baby, you need to rest, I'm sorry I wasn't there at the clinic, but I'm here now." Changkyun kissed my head walking me into our house.

"Shownu has the boarder under control, if my land was safe, I would move us this, but that is the main source of the ingredients Dohwan is using for the drug that they gave you." Changkyun looked away, anger and sadness mixed in his expression.

"I took the pills willingly, Dohwan never forced me to take them." Changkyun raised his brow.

"You were put in a position where he drugged, and you are defending the man that did this to you as if he cares about you...love you the same way I love you, the same Namjoon loves you." Changkyun tensed laying me on our bed, kissing my head.

"He loves me in his own way, I can get through to him, no one has to die..." Changkyun placed his hands on the back of his head in disbelief.

"You will never be alone with that monster again...that is not love Haven, you were tortured for months, and this is the outcome." I wanted to argue that Dohwan wasn't a monster, the man I know, the man I met...the man I was with for a time is not the man everyone is making him out to be. Karly and I knew who this man was, we wanted to save him, rehabilitate him, we wouldn't forgive the team for rushing everything, we understood why, but neither of us agreed.

"I know, everyone keeps telling me what I will and won't be doing. Keep pushing me, you will see what will happen." I yawned, curling up on the bed. Changkyun sighed struggling to control his temper.

"Baby I know it will take a while for you to get back to normal, I refuse to do this with you." Changkyun pulled the blanket off the end of our bed, laying next to me." I rolled over cautiously facing him.

"I don't know if I will ever be the same..." Changkyun kissed my head, holding me close.

"I love any version of you, this mess is going to take years to clean up, when we drain there ingredients, we will take them out, but thankfully that's going to take time. Time we all need to heal, time we need to build our own family, maybe when Namjoon's is ready, he can join our family too." Changkyun combed his fingers through my hair.

I knew Namjoon would need me to himself for a period, before he ever came to the resolution, that wasn't happening for a long time. I missed him, but we need to be apart, even though we would still work together him, and I set boundaries, boundaries we needed, our door was always open for one another.