𝐇𝐞𝐫 | 𝐁.𝐄

~Chapter 21~

(short chapter again i'm sorry)

TW: SA AND ABUSE

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"stay still, stop fucking moving" my dad yells at me

he has me pinned on the bed, I'm trying to get away but I can't. I scream and cry but no one is here, no one can help me. my mom is working and macie is staying at a friend's house.

"the more you don't cooperate, the longer I'm gonna punish you" he grunts

I lay there and cry letting him do what he's doing to me, I can't stop him. if I try to stop him it's just gonna get worse for me.

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he slaps me and keeps going in and out of me. while he does it, I start sobbing again and he punches me making me pass out.

(END OF SA AND ABUSE)

-1 hour later-

I wake up naked still but he's gone, I sit and sob thinking about what just happened for the 4th time this week. I hate him, I fucking hate him so much, he's ruined everything for me. I wish Billie was here, I wish I could hug her and cuddle her right now.

I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm over it. I'm over life, I'm tired of trying. no one would care if I was gone everyone would move on and forget about me. the thoughts are coming back and I can't stop them...but if I'm being completely honest, I don't think I wanna stop them.

I deserve this pain, I deserve to be dead.

it's Saturday, I haven't talked to Billie since yesterday. I feel bad but I can't talk to anyone right now. I'm gonna end it tomorrow, I have it planned. I'm tired of living, I'm tired of my dad treating me like this, I know I deserve it but it still hurts.

I've been laying in bed for hours and hours, my mom got home around 6 pm it's currently 2 am. She came in after she put her stuff down but I pretended to be asleep. I didn't feel like talking and I'm gonna be gone soon anyways and I don't wanna break down in front of her. macie decided to stay the night with her friend so she hasn't come home.

I wanna talk to Billie but I know she can read me really well and I don't want her to stop me. some people may say it's selfish of me to take my life when I have people who love me but they don't understand what it's like to feel like this, I love my family and friends but it's too much for me now, im tired of living. You can have people who love you and still wanna die.

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I've been awake for over 24 hours it's 10am on a Sunday. I've been laying around since yesterday, I told my mom I'm just exhausted because of school and I just need the weekend to rest. Billie has been blowing up my phone for the past couple of days, I haven't responded. I feel bad for not answering but as I said before, I can't let her stop me.

(TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT)

I head to the bathroom and I grab a bunch of random pills I found in the kitchen cabinet that I hid earlier and downed as many as I could. then I grabbed a kitchen knife I grabbed earlier while I was in the there also and started slicing my thighs with it. I tried to do as many as I could and as deep as I could. I know people might say it's stupid to do it this way but I want to be in pain before I go.

The next thing I know my vision gets blurry and I pass out...

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