Playgirl - Tokio Hotel - Tom Kaulitz

5 ~ you just dont get it

i wake up to someone shaking my shoulders, and i groan softly as i push their hands off, opening my eyes to see georg standing over me.

"wakey wakey, we're at the hotel" i cant help but laugh, nodding my head as i sit up and he walks out, closing the door behind him. i sit up, not bothering to change, but putting on an oversized hoodie that goes down to my mid thighs.

i leave my room to find all the boys sitting around in silence just as tired as me "hi" i mumble, getting a chorus of hellos back as i sit next to Tom, laying my head on his shoulder.

he gives me a small smile before laying his head on mine. i see Georg whispering to bill and bill goes wide eyed, looking between me and him before whispering back in Georgs ear "what?" i ask confused, and they both look at me before bill shakes his head "nothing" i eye him suspiciously before shrugging it off, and we all get up to get our stuff and head up to the hotel rooms.

we're now in North Carolina, all of us having our own rooms much to toms pleasure. "i'm gonna shower" i state, and they all nod. before i close my door i see bill whisper something to Tom before they both walk in his room. i furrow my brows confused but immediately walk into the bathroom to shower anyways.

i step out of the shower and dry off before putting on a plain black crop top that was tight fitting, and some baggy black jeans with chains, finishing it with a black zip up jacket as i step out the bathroom brushing my hair, only to see the twins sitting on my bed.

"oh, hi boys" i say with a small smile, but they don't say anything other then glancing at each other before looking back at me almost sad. "what? what's wrong?" i ask, setting the brush down and standing in front of them with my hands in my jacket pockets.

"we know." bill says, and i'm surprised by the serious tone in his voice before i go confused once more. "know what?" i ask, moving to sit in the middle of the bed and they turn to me. tom sighs before speaking up "your wrists" he says softly, and i immediately freeze.

what? how would they know? what do they mean they know? oh my god georg in my room this morning. he saw. he saw and he told them! oh god.

i must have zoned out before bill says my name and i look at them again, they're now a little closer sitting in front of me. i instinctively wrap my arms around myself before i speak again. "i don't know what you're talking about" they both look at each other before speaking again. "Envy just talk to us" bill says, almost pleading and i shake my head "there's nothing to talk about" he try's to move closer and i move back, my back now leaning against the pillows.

"please" tom whispers, almost pleading, and i glance at him before looking down at my lap, not saying anything "Envy i'm here for you, we're here for you, all of us, just tell us why" Bill speaks now, and his voice is quiet and soft and it just makes me mad. they're gonna treat me like i'm fragile now.

"they're old, don't worry about it" i say, my tone firm and when i look at the twins again they seem surprised at my voice. "how old?" bill asks and i shrug my shoulders, trying to think about it. "like, when i was 15? or 16? i don't know, awhile ago" i say, my voice trailing off as i look down once again.

"Envy why didn't you tell us?" tom asks, reaching to grab my hand but i pull it out of reach "i couldn't" i shake my head "yes, you could've, we would've been here for you!" bill says, his voice raising ever so slightly and i look up at him surprised. "you were going through your own shit, and we weren't close like this then. and some of them are.. older, then that" i say, and bill shakes his head, taking a deep breath to try and control himself as tom speaks

"Envy you're not alone, you never are or were, we still would've helped you" i immediately shake my head, practically glaring at him. "no, no, i was alone. you wouldn't get it" i say and bill eyes snap to me, now upset. "we wouldn't get it? Evelyn of course we would, you know what we've been through, how could you say that!" my glare is now targeted at bill who's standing up, his voice dangerously close to yelling.

"because it's true! you don't even know what you're talking about Bill" i stand up as well, now shouting, upset about all of this, but more about the fact he used my actual name. how can he be mad right now? unbelievable. "guys-" tom try's to speak but bill cuts him off

"i do know what i'm talking about! you fucking cut yourself Envy, you know i've been in the same position, and we were friends, you weren't alone!" he yells back, and i let out a humorless laugh as tom comes to stand next to bill.

"no, you weren't alone. when you went through shit, you had tom right there with you" i say, my voice now dangerously calm as i look between your two boys in-front of me. "me? i was alone. you didn't even notice! everything you went through, you and tom had eachother, someone to lean on, i had no one!" as i speak my voice gets louder and louder, taking a step closer to bill.

"you just don't get it! when i went home i went home alone, i wake up alone, the only time i wasn't alone was when my drunk mom was home. i had no one, bill, no one to talk to or cry to or lean on, i was fucking alone. and what's worse is you didn't notice! either of you! you didn't notice the long sleeves, or the silence, or the no sleep or eating, you were fucking blind." they both look at each other guiltily before looking me again

"Evelyn we're sorry-" tom speaking before i cut him off "like i said, you were going through your own shit, and i get that, but don't try to make it all better now that you noticed. you had each other, you wouldn't get when i went through alone."

they both stay silent, looking down but glancing at me. "get out" i sigh, and they look up surprised "what?" bill asks "get out." i say again, firmer this time and they frown "Envy please-" "leave!" i say louder, and they sigh before walking out closing the door behind them.

i'm so tired.

i grab my cigarettes and a lighter before stepping out on to the balcony, closing the door behind me and leaning over the railing as i put the filter to my lips and light it, putting my lighter back in my pocket and sighing the smoke out.

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shorter chapter as more of like a background on Envy's life then anything, but also there might be a little bit more drama in the next chapters and Envy and tom getting closer hehe i'm excited. 1300 words! i love you, bye <3