Playgirl - Tokio Hotel - Tom Kaulitz

14 ~ In Love?

guys i just got back from my louis tomlinson concert and i cried on the way home (i have a wide variety of music taste) and i'm losing my mind it's over i LOVE HIM AND HES GONE !! (7/14)

i've sat on my bed in complete silence for at least thirty minutes now. after toms.. confession, i told him to leave me alone and locked my door once more.

i'm love with me? tom? the tom kaulitz that 'only needs love for one night'? i don't know what to do, i cant tell anyone, not even bill because what if he didn't know and what if he did and now he hates me because tom probably thinks i don't love him.

do i love him?

it's all too much. with my mom, and toms feelings, and my feelings, and tour being over, and i cant do it. i stand up from the bed as i sniffle back tears threatening to fall, going into my closet i pull out a small secret box.

it has weed, a grinder, rolling papers, etc. i quickly roll one and shove my phone in my back pocket, holding the unlit joint between my lips as i grab a lighter and my cigarettes and climb out my window, carefully maneuvering myself up onto the roof.

~~~~~~~~~

i practically bust my ass getting back in the window, closing it as i laugh softly at my fall. it's pitch black out now, i'm not sure what time, and i hum a song to myself as i smile down the stairs, in a mission for something to eat.

i look in the fridge, freezer, and pantry before finally just deciding on chips, and cookies, and vodka because i'm bored why not?

i sit down on the couch, two cookies and a bag of chips in one hand, and the half full bottle of vodka in the other. i sit crisscross and set the vodka down in my lap, the cookies on my knee, and the bag next to me.

i take a long swig of the alcohol as i open my phone, making a small noise when i realize it's one in the morning. i take another drink before setting it down, enjoying the burn in my throat and light fuzzy feeling in my head from the high.

i drop my phone and swear under my breath, praying i didn't wake anyone up, but i proves wrong when i hear a door open in the hallway. i mentally curse myself when tom is the one that appears.

"Envy?" he asks, his voice raspy, and when i get a good look at his voice his eyes are red and puffy and it doesn't look like it's from sleep. "were you crying?" i ask in turn, and he goes to speak before he gets a good look at me, and i can hear the heavy sigh he lets out.

"are you high?" "uh-" "and drinking? Jesus christ" he comes over and takes the bottle from me, making me whine loudly "hey! i wasn't done with that" he glanced at me with an annoyed look before disappearing to the kitchen "yes you were" he calls out, and i huff silently.

i set my snacks down on the table in-front of the couch as he comes back, standing in front of me as i look up at him. suddenly i smile, feeling giddy. "hi tom" i say happily, and i can see the way he has to bite back a smile. "hi, Envy" i giggle, grabbing his hand i pull him down, almost pulling him on top of me but he catches himself to sit next to me.

once he is next to me i completely invade his space, throwing my legs over his lap and wrapping an arm over his stomach as i lay my head on his shoulder, and i feel him tense at my touch, not knowing what to do. "you're my favorite, you know that?" i mumble, the alcohol and weed leaving me far from sober.

"we should get you to bed" he says softly, placing a hand on my knee and i shake my head, now nuzzling my nose into his neck. "i don't want to" i whisper, my breath fanning over him and my lips inches from his skin. i can see goosebumps rise.

"you drive me crazy Evelyn" he says and it's barely audible, i don't even know if i was supposed to hear it. i lift my head up to look at him, a grin on my face. "you're so pretty" i mumble, reaching my hand out to caress his cheek, and i can see the way his face flushes