Come find me | Luke Hemmings

Seventeen: We're friends

I glanced to my phone with the intention to call Luke exactly 18 times during the night.

I should carry on with my life because I said what's in my mind and it scared him away but I can't. All the 18 times I considered calling him to tell him to go back to being fuck buddies. Thanks for the last bit of dignity that I still have, I manage to stay away of my phone.

If I'm missing him like crazy with less than 48h of being apart, I'll have to find something to hold on to.

I repeat in my mind: I won't call. I won't text. I won't get in Tay's car and rush to his place. I won't beg him to love me. I won't humiliate myself to have him

The morning came and I couldn't get any sleep. I went to Tay's room to check if Cal was still asleep and went straight to the kitchen to make breakfast. My mind isn't on its right place, I should remember that I have Jonah and he is a good guy. He's reliable and sweet. If I loved him he could love me back. He wouldn't run away from me when I pour my heart out. I'll learn to love him. If I fell for a rude boy, falling for a good one won't be that hard, right?

I eat my waffles thinking about the New York Times thing, since I have no plans for the next two years until I graduate it can be a good thing. It sure will keep me occupied. I take the formulary in my purse and fill it out.

Calum woke up around 8am and walked into the living room in his boxers. Whats up with these Australian mates? All so hot.

"Morning sunshine!" He smiles and makes his way into the kitchen. "Why are you still in yesterday's clothes?"

"Too lazy to change" Actually, I'm avoiding wearing Luke's shirt. I have to give him back.

"How are you feeling, pretty?" He sits next to me and eats his waffle with vegemite. He told me once how he loves it so I ran all over town looking for it just for him

"I feel kinda empty" I look down "Like he took parts of me when he left" I rub my eyes

"If it helps, I think he's a dick" he takes a big bite and smiles. "I love him like a brother but he's a huge idiot" his eyes go wide when he says huge "I think he loves you too, but his fucking stupid big head doesn't know it yet"

I nod and bite the inside of my mouth

"Yeah, maybe" I run my hand through my hair, I need to wash it "But the look on his face after he left was pure emptiness. Like he couldn't ever love someone"

"The thing about Luke is that" he chews and looks at me, like he was meticulously thinking about each word "He looks all figured out and very sure about everything when in reality he's just as lost as all of us" his jawline looks so sharp. How can he do that? "Trying to figure out what to do with our big hearts, making mistakes and breaking hearts and finding a way to mend them back together"

Who would have known that Calum was this wise? He's so much more than people make him look like. Sometimes I feel we all took him for granted, but he is really a very special person. I'm glad I have him.

"Breaking more hearts than the usual" I smile "I'll be fine" I shake my shoulders "I'm just a bit down because just like every one, I want what I shouldn't want" I stand up and take my plate to the kitchen

"Of course you'll be fine" he smiles and continue to eat his food "And you always have me so lucky you" he blinks and keep eating.

Maybe if I had met Calum before I met Luke. Or if my stupid heart would just for once choose the right guy.

I take a shower and wash my hair. My hands go straight to the first drawer to take Luke's shirt but I stop halfway through it and stare my skinny figure at the mirror. My underwear is gray and the bruises at my hips, collarbone and ribcage are purple.