Come find me | Luke Hemmings

Thanksgiving

"Hey, can we talk?" Luke whispers against my nape

"It's 4 in the morning Luke" I roll my eyes and close them as a sign I do not want to talk

"I know, but we need to talk Alaska" he rubs his thumb against my cheek. He won't give up.

I sigh and shift sides to face him. His face is different from the last time we saw each other in person. His beard is covering his jaw, his eyes are tired and swollen, his lips are thiner and paler. He looks tired and running out of time.

"I really don't want a break" he goes straight to the problem "I don't wanna lose you"

"You know we need some time" I sign and keep my hands from tracing circles around his nape "Why are you fighting this?"

"Because I know you'll leave me" he looks down to face the mattress "When I told you that you can find someone much better than me I meant it, you really can and if I let you go you will"

"That's not true" I shake my head

"Why do you want this break so much? Did you find someone new?" His voice cracks

"It feels like we lost ourselves in the middle of our problems, I don't even know what we are" My voice is quiet "And no, there's no one beside you"

"We can find our way back" he nods, sounding very confident "Together"

"We can't Luke" my voice comes out as a whisper "Because we will keep making the same mistakes" I place my left hand against his cheek and he closes his eyes. I missed his skin "We have to sort things out in separate ways"

"But I don't want to" he wraps his arm tightly around my waist "I can't function without your love"

"Taking a break won't mean I don't love you anymore" I frown my forehead. Is he really thinking I will ever be able to stop loving him? "As long as I'm still me I will keep loving you"

"But you're trying to stay away from me" he looks down as he was too embarrassed to face me right now

"Its not it, I'm trying to figure out whats going on with us, with me" I shrug my shoulders "And I can't find it while we're buried in fights and misreading each other"

"But we work" his voice fades away, when its about us he can be very insecure. "Why are you giving up on me?"

"Hey, I'm not" I glance at him, rubbing the back of his neck with my hand "I'm so proud of you, you have changed for the best and I know you did it for me, I appreciate it" my mouth cracks a smile and he smirks "But I really need some space, I don't know what to do" my voice is pitchy which means that my tears are on their way, the little smile at the corner of his lips disappears

"What am I gonna do without you?" he lowers his eyes and I feel pain in every word he says, I knew it wouldn't be easy

"You're not getting rid of me" I sigh and he smirks "It will be good for you too, you need to focus on your music"

"But you're my muse, everything I do is thinking about you" his grip around my waist is strong, like I'd run away in a fraction of second "I really don't know what to do without you, Alaska"

"We will figure out, okay?" my eyes are filled with water, did he finally understand it? He nods and a couple of tears drop from his eyes, I lean my hand to wipe them but he holds it before I do so

"Let it roll, I'm just getting used to it anyways" he says like crying is all he has been doing "I love you so much, baby girl" he whispers in a sweet voice that breaks my heart, I feel him pulling away. I have the feeling this goodbye will be our last one.