Come find me | Luke Hemmings

Thirty Seven: Losing game

When I woke up Luke was long gone, I had Jasper sitting on the couch instead. He told me Luke left to deal with some stuff but he'd be back soon. I has been almost two days, I wonder how much does "soon" means to Luke. 

One strange thing though, Karev hasn't called or anything. Christmas was yesterday and I sat alone in my new bedroom watching lights go in and out the window. Mom and Dad dropped by but I refused to talk to them so as a usual twenty years old girl I locked myself in my room while crying my weight in tears. Andrew's funeral is today, Mom said through the door yesterday but I'm not sure if I'll go. I can't say goodbye to him because there's no good in goodbye. He's dead and I'm here stuck with this life that eats bits of me everyday. 

I napped longer than the usual, when I wake up I see Luke sitting at the edge of my bed. He smirks while I rub my eyes. 

"Hey" he squeezes my foot "Aren't you going to get ready for the funeral?" 

I sit with my legs crossed on the bed 

"Nope" I shake my head "I'm not going" 

"Why not?" he frowns his brows "He's your brother, don't you wanna see him one last time?" I hear the care in his voice, he remains sweet 

"And do what? Remind myself that I'm the responsible for him laying there with no organs and a dead brain?" my voice is rough

"It wasn't your fault" he says again 

"You can say it as many time as you want, but it doesn't change the fact I'm responsible for his death" I get out of bed and walk out of the room, Luke follows me like a lost puppy

"Alaska, c'mon" he pleads 

"Why can't all of you understand that I just can't?!" I hit my fists agains the counter "I can't face my parents, I can't forgive myself, I can't move on" the tears fall down but I don't mind, I've made my piece with them. "I just can't go back to what I used to be" 

"Cant or don't want to?" he tilts his head to look me in the eye 

"It's not that easy, Luke" I lower my eyes

"Then tell me what I can do to make it easier" he takes my hand "Name it and I'll do it"

"Bring him back" my voice cracks and Luke takes me into his arms, I cry like I haven't cried in a while.

"I would if it was possible" he mumbles into my hair 

I step back and run my hands over my face. 

"At least Karev didn't call me today with some new threat" I pour myself some water

"You won't have to worry about him anymore" he assures me

I sit the glass on the counter and look at him. He's too calm, Luke's never calm, he is constantly worrying about what I'll do or what may happen to me

"How can you be so sure?" I frown my brows, wrapping my mind over it

"I promised you I'd keep you safe, didn't I?" he crosses his arms over his chest 

I just smile and nod. He's up to something. I know it. 

After lots of whining I manage to make Luke shut up about me not going to the funeral. Mom called hundred of times but I couldn't bring myself to talk to her, Luke told her I wasn't feeling well. We sat on the couch with his arms around me.

"You should go back to Sydney" I whisper "Your whole family is there, you should go"

"I'm not leaving you" he wrapped his arms even tighter around my chest "Ever again" he kisses my temple