Come find me | Luke Hemmings

Eight: Nothing compares to you

You have no reason to be sad, Alaska. I try to talk myself some senses. It's not like you and Luke are dating, so turn around and leave. I can't move, it's like I'm petrified to the ground. They can't see me and I wish I couldn't see them either, but unfortunately I have VIP sits.

My eyes are burning from the strength I'm doing to keep my tears from falling. Slowly I pick up my bag and notebook and make my way out of the library. I storm into the closest bathroom and lock myself in a stall. My first instinct is to call Taylor or Mom but I'm not doing that.

I drop one more time my things and cup my own face. I shut my eyes close trying to prevent the waterfall inside me from falling. It starts with sobs then the whole thing gets out of control. I know I should pick myself up and go straight to class but I don't have the strength to do it, I just sit in this bathroom stall crying over a guy I shouldn't even want.

My hands start to shake and I feel the urge to hit my head against the wall. Keep it together, Alaska. You can do it. When I finally feel like I'm done with crying I take deep breaths in order to calm myself down. One technic I learned from my therapist is to count my fingers slowly when I'm very nervous or anxious, that gives me control and normalize my breathing. So that's what I do.

I look at my very pale hands in very need of a nail saloon and start to count my fingers. 1 Thumbs. 2 Index finger. 3 middle finger, this one specially for Luke. 4 Ring finger. 5 Pinky. I breathe slowly and close my eyes. I run the same counting for the left hand, at least I just avoided a panic attack.

After a couple of minutes I leave the bathroom and walk to my class. I did my best to dry my tears and pretend I wasn't crying. I enter the class and the professor has already started so I sit at the back. I look around the classroom to find a known face, Ash and I only share a couple of classes I don't think this is one of those.

I can't focus on what the professor is lecturing, my mind is far away. I can't stay here. I keep looking at the door's glass and all I want is storm out of the room and cry in the next bathroom stall. I see Calum walking outside and pointing at my door, I can't see with whom he's talking to. After a few seconds Calum leaves and I see Luke's silhouette staring at the door, he's now looking at me through the glass. My whole body freezes.

"Mrs. Crawdford" The professor calls me "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks" I focus my eyes on him

"Are you sure? You can go to the nurse, you look very pale"

"That's a good idea" I stand up and walk towards the door.

Luke's outside, waiting for me.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks me, leaning for my hand but I jerk away

"Couldn't be any better" I fake a smile and walk past him

"Slow down! Jesus what is wrong with you?"

You, that's what is wrong with me. You came in to destroy everything I was building, it's all dust now.

"Nothing. I'm fine" I answer. "Gotta go, see you later"

I walk as fast as I can, even knowing that Luke can reach me within a second.

"You're not fine, lets talk" Luke insists and is already beside me "Have you been crying?"

"I told you I'm fine. Go find Kimmy and leave me the fuck alone" I snap and leave the building.

"Alaska!" He shouts and reaches me holding my wrist "Can we just talk about it?"

"No!" I snap, trying to keep my voice low. I hate creating a scene. "Just leave me alone"

"Not an option" He says "Kimmy means nothing"