There's a hole in my heart nobody can see

What I Should Have Learned in Study Hall

   Senior year. Study hall.  I swear to god everything changed for me. I was just trying to get out of high school so our band could start touring, while I decided to do some part time college when I could. The only seat left was next to Case. Great. We never see eye to eye and can't stand each other. I sat down next to her and gave her a very small smile, trying to be nice. She rolled her eyes at me. We learned that the seats we picked were going to be our assigned seats for this last semester.

   I threw my earbuds in and started writing out some ideas for lyrics. I quickly glanced over and Casey was also listening to music, typing away on her phone. Tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She got up to leave, probably to the restroom. I decided to follow her out and see what's up. I turned the corner and there she was sitting on the floor against a locker, this time the tears spilling.

  "You okay?" I asked her.

   "Do I look okay, Charnas? What are you even doing out here anyway?" She spat. That was cold.

   "Was going to the restroom and then there you were, just thought I would check up." I lied to her.
   "Just a bad day, you wouldn't understand. Go about your business." She continued to be cold. Instead I slid down the wall and sat down next to her.

   "You know, we are getting ready to graduate and I'm sorry for the way I've treated you for a long time. If I can make it up to you, try me. Maybe I can help." I explained, genuinely. I was a shitty person all of high school to her and honestly, I had no good excuse. I wanted to be the popular kid and she was not seen that way. Typical high school bullshit. Finally growing up a bit, I feel stupid about the status quo. For god sakes I'm in a metalcore band and love horror movies. I am the weird one.
   She looked at me and could tell I was sincere and began to explained her panic attacks and her lame ass boyfriend that just dumped her. We started talking more and were starting to become friends, I think. We were laughing and cracking jokes. I asked her if she wanted to ditch and grab food down the street. Trying to be the gentleman that I am...sometimes, I grabbed her hand in a friendly way, delicately as I knew she was in a fragile state. We ran out of the school and laughed, walking down the street to a local burger joint.
  
   She was interested in knowing more about my band, as she at least I don't think, knows anything about us. I popped AirPods in her ear and played one of our songs. I noticed her blue eyes widen and light up as she told me how much she liked it. I had no idea she was interested in the genre.

   I invited her and her friends, if she wanted to bring them, to a gig we had on Friday night. She said she'd love to. As I handed her the tickets, our hands touched and I felt the largest fucking spark I've ever felt, but tried to ignore it.

   As I went home I couldn't stop thinking about that touch. Am I just in my head? Did she feel that too? No. I shouldn't even think that. We just went from hating each other to becoming friends. Let's just leave it at that.

   Throughout the rest of senior year we got into so much trouble together in study hall, but that is really the only time we saw each other besides study hall. My band was becoming very serious to me and I admit I was slacking on my personal relationships trying to focus. She understood though. After graduation, we started touring. A lot. Our last stop was our hometown show. This was hopefully our big break. I am hoping that this is it. Next tour will be our first headliner.

   I invited a handful of high school friends including Casey and her best friend Gina. I knew they wouldn't miss it. They've become a huge support system and friends for myself and the rest of the band. After the show, the guys got food and Casey and I decided to hang in the bus, while Gina wanted to hang out with Joe and tagged along with the rest. Apparently they have a small fling, probably not going to last.

     My intrusive thoughts kicked in. She looked so good tonight. I couldn't help to admit that I felt something. What that was I didn't know yet. She had on a black tank, denim shorts, doc martins and a thigh chain. That fucking thigh chain did something. We sat closing than usual and I let her pick the movie. I couldn't help but look at her in the tv light. She was beautiful.

   She looked at me and our eyes locked. I still can't get over her beautiful big blue eyes. I don't know what came over me but I caressed her face and met her lips with mine. She confirmed the sexual tension was there by kissing me back. Hard, but also felt a bit passionate. I couldn't tell if this would be a one night stand or something more. But right now, I didn't care.

   I lifted her up on my lap and she straddled me. My hands started in her hair, playing with it and probably tangling the fuck out of it. Again, I didn't care. My hand ran down from her hair, down her spine, to her ass, which I could tell gave her chills and I gave a deep chuckle in her ear. "You like that?" as I started kissing her neck. All I got was a small moan. "I said, did you like that?" as I grabbed her face and made her look me in the eyes. She stumbled her words. "Y-yes."  I picked her up and moved her to my bunk where our relationship changed.

And not for the better.