There's a hole in my heart nobody can see

The only thing we need to scale these walls is to believe

  I am finally on the mend, which means Spencer will be going back on tour. I am so excited for them, they sacrificed so much just for me, and they postponed their tour for three months, just to help Spencer and I heal. Unfortunately, I have been forced to sit out this tour, even though I don't want to. This will be the first time I am alone since Spencer and  I almost died. I have had a lot of nightmares, ptsd, depression, anxiety, you name it. I am really struggling with it all. I try to hid it from Spencer, but I think he knows.

  "Spence, can I please go on tour? I promise I will be fine." I pleaded with puppy dog eyes.

  He walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Babe, we've talked about this. You are so close to being fully healed. You need a little more time to rest. Doctor's orders." He kissed me on the forehead and walked back to the kitchen table where he was working on some final touches for the tour. Screw doctor's orders. I huffed and went back to the couch to fold laundry.

  Spence and the guys leave tomorrow. As much as I can handle myself on my own, I don't want to. I love being on tour, and they will be gone for two months. "I am going to miss you. I cannot believe I am missing this." I pouted.

  "I know Case. I am going to miss you too, love. But we will face time every night. I promise." He reassured me.

The next day

  "Are we all packed?" Ricky shouted from across the driveway. Spencer gave him a thumbs up. The guys strolled up the driveway to give me a hug. Ricky embraced me in a tight hug. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked before releasing his hug.

  "Yeah, I will be okay." I said sadly. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and started walking towards the bus. "Love you!" He shouted as he turned around and waved.

  "Right back at you!" I shouted back. It was Spencer's turn. The moment I dreaded but put a smile on my face. I did not want him to see how sad I was. I was sad, but also happy for them to continue their dream.

  "Hey." He got real close to me and lifted my chin so my eyes met his. I will never stop having butterflies. I may be biased, but he has the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. "I love you. You're going to be okay. You know you can call me any time and I will pick up, as long as it isn't show time." He embraced me in a hug, stroking my hair.

  "I know." I whispered, trying to choke down my tears so Spencer couldn't see.

  "Hey, don't cry. I will see you again in about two weeks. I love you so much." He kissed me passionately for what seemed like forever, but I didn't mind. "I've got to go. I'll call you later, I love you." He gave me a kiss on the forehead, and just like that he was getting on the bus. I walked back inside. It was so quiet. A few tears spilt from my eyes as I walked over to the couch and turned the tv on.

   I woke up the next morning, realizing I fell asleep on the couch. I got up, made some coffee and went out to our small back patio and started to read my book. I was reading It, as I have never read the book before. My phone was ringing, and it was Spencer face timing me. "Hey baby." He said with the largest grin.

  "Hi, how are you?" I asked, so happy he called me.

  "Good. A bit sad you are not here but excited to be back on the road." He scratched the back on his head.

  I let out a small chuckle. "I bet." All of the sudden Joe and Patrick stole the phone from Spencer.

"Hi Casey!!!" They shouted so loud I had to move my phone away further as I laughter.

  "Hi guys!" I shouted back. I could hear Spence whining to give him his phone back as he took it back from Joe and Patrick. I could hear them booing in the background.

  "Okay, but really, how are you doing" He asked seriously.

  "I promise I'm fine. Just sitting outside reading my book. But I do have a question for you." I was hesitant to ask.

  "Can we maybe get a dog? I think it would be a good idea for me to have a companion." I was not sure how he was going to respond.

- - - - - -

   "Can we maybe get a dog? I think it would be a good idea for me to have a companion." She asked. Little did she know I was already working on it. I did a lot research before tour and came across a chocolate lab that has been trained and certified to help people with PTSD. I pick him up the day before Case arrives to visit. She tries so hard to keep it to herself, but I know she is struggling, and so am I. A service dog would be perfect for her.

  "We can definitely think about it and do some research." All I wanted to do was say absolutely, but I needed to stall. When she gets here in two weeks for a show, I have a lot in store for her. "Hey baby, I need to go. We have soundcheck in ten minutes." I said with a pouty face. I missed this girl like crazy, and I hated that I had to leave her at home.

  "Okay, love you Spence. Have a great show." She said with a gorgeous smile.

  "I love you. I will talk to you later." I said and I hung up the phone.