There's a hole in my heart nobody can see

Don't throw your life away reaching for yesterday

  I rolled over to the sound of my phone going off..for the third time. I looked at the clocked and sighed. 8:00 A.M. I was not sure if Spencer was going to show up to the apartment or not, and that made me extremely nervous. I was not ready to face him in any way. I was the one who ended things, and right now I still cannot even forgive myself. I feel like I made a mistake, but I have too many demons to fight right now now. I very well know Spencer can handle it, but he shouldn't have to. We both have our own demons. Almost being a victim of a murder will do that to you.

  I rolled out of bed and hopped in the shower. I stood in the shower letting the hot water run down feel so guilty. Guilty I broke the most amazing mans heart, knowing I won't be at their show tonight, knowing I am letting all the guys down, all of the other crew members down.

  As I turned off the shower, I heard the front door open and a call of my name. Shit. I slipped out of the shower quietly, trying not to make a sound and opened the door to my closet and snuck in, shutting the wood door as quietly as possible. Standing in a puddle of water in my own closet, I felt like chicken shit. I feel ridiculous hiding in my own closet, not wanting to face him. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve me. He could do better. I was not worried about him opening my closet because we have our own, and we agreed our closets are our personal space.

  "Case!" I heard him call, hearing footsteps getting louder towards our bathroom. He sighed. "Fuck." He whispered silently. All I wanted to do was cry. I could feel his sadness. His footsteps continued, sounding farther away and then the front door opened and shut. Removing my hand from my mouth, I finally released a loud sob, sliding down my closet door.

  I managed to pick myself back up and get dressed. I put on a long black summer dress with spaghetti straps and a black cropped jean jacket. I moved on to my hair and makeup. Getting ready always made me feel a little better and motivated. Not knowing what the day ahead was going to bring, I grabbed my keys and headed out to grab a coffee.

- - - - - -

  Just maybe I had a chance to see Case, hoping she was home. All I wanted to do was talk to her. If this plan does not work, I will be devastated. I brought the dog back to our bus, the guys already expecting him.

  "Oh my god! He is beautiful! Hi buddy!" Ricky immediately running over and sitting on the floor to give him pets. He has a giant love for dogs, a great characteristic of my good friend. "Name?" He asked.

  "Brody. He is allowed to play on down time, but remember he is a service dog, so he cannot be too distracted." I reminded him with a serious look.

  "Yes sir." He confirmed, standing back up and brushing the dog hair off of him.

  Soundcheck was in an hour, meet and greets following, and then showtime. I opened my phone to call Case, well damn aware she was not going to answer me. Voicemail. I missed her sweet, soft voice so much. "Case. I know you're going to listen to this. Please meet me at the beach at 9:00 p.m. We really need to talk, please just hear me out. I will text you the address. If you don't show up I understand..I love you no matter what." I left my voicemail and hung up the phone to text her the address of the beach. We had an earlier show tonight, which worked out perfectly.

  I have my good friend coming out to our bus to watched Brody and keep him busy while we were at the show, and I recruited an extra crew member, another one of my good friends, to help set up at the beach for me. I met with them before soundcheck to make sure our plan was set in stone. "Hey guys, thanks for coming out." I said giving them both a hug. "I just really want this to turn out the way I am hoping." I can't help being worried. If she doesn't like this, it's all over. My heart cannot take this rejection, and I will have to let her go.