There's a hole in my heart nobody can see

Even if I never see again, I know I will breathe again

  It's been four days now that Casey has been admitted to the ICU. She had a very long surgery when we first got to the hospital. I was taken to get treated for my broken ribs, wrist and bruised back. She was in surgery for about 7 hours, and was very unstable the whole way through.

  "Spence." Ricky came in the door with a duffel bag. He knew better than trying to get me to go home. The only time I've left her side has been to shower or shit. I needed to be there when she wakes up.

  "Thanks man." I thanked him and hopped up to go take a shower. It was nice to break away from the hospital room for a minute. Casey was hooked to so many wires, monitors and has a breathing tube down her throat, which may be coming out soon. I undressed, and hopped in the shower, singing quietly to myself. Trying to get into a better mindset. I spent two days in my own hospital room and I made them move me to share a room with her, and then I was discharged yesterday. I had to be with her.

  I walked out into the hallway after my shower to meet with Joe, Patrick, Ricky and detectives. They were taking my statement piece by piece, not wanting to overwhelm me. This is the first time my friends are hearing the details. They wanted to, and were mortified. The detectives even had me identify the bodies of our kidnappers. Believe me, I was happy to.

  After our small meet, I rushed back over to Case's side. She looks less pale than yesterday. Her heart rate is up and so is her blood pressure. The doctor said if it keeps improving we can see about letting her breathe on her own. I pulled out her hairbrush and started brushing her hair, making sure I didn't pull any wires. Even if it is just brushing her hair to help out a little bit, I will do it.
I drifted off soon after for my nap, when Chris Motionless stopped by. "Hey Spence, you got a minute?"

"Absolutely, what's up?" I asked walking into the hallway.

  "I hate bothering you about this right now. Is there a particular way you want us to go about telling the fans that we need to postpone the tour?" He asked.

"Hmm." I rubbed my chin. "Um, I mean you can tell them that Casey and I were in a bad accident and will need time to recover. It's going to be all over the news anyway."

  "Alright man, I'll make it happen. How's she doing?" He asked walking into her room. "Um, she's better than she was. One day at a time. She's at least looking less pale than you now." I joked, making him laugh a little. I saw him looking all of her stats screen and then her, giving her a sad smile. "Hang in there, Case we love you." He said before he left the room.

  I sat with her for a little longer before I started getting notifications. The word was out and we were getting hammered with "Get Well Soons" and "Praying for you!" I'm not a religious man, but I have been praying for her to stay alive. Chris let out a touching statement. The fans are so supportive. I cannot wait to be out there again, but my main focus is Casey. I decided I am starving and need to go eat. As I am in line and the cafeteria, my phone rings. Casey's nurse. Fuck.

  "Hey Spencer. It's Sandy, Casey's nurse. She seems to be coming to it, if you want to come back."

I put the food back and practically ran back upstairs to the room. When I got up there, she was awake and was fighting the breathing tube, relaxing a bit when she sees me. I run beside her bed, grabbing her hand and kneeling down. "Babe, just breathe. You're okay. You have a breathing tube in, just try to relax." I gently pushed hair out of her face. She tried speaking to me.

"You can't talk yet, sweetie. We're going to give it a little bit of time, and if you keep doing well, we will take it out." Sandy said calmingly. "You arr doing great, I reassured her with a hand squeeze. I could see the panic in her eyes. The last thing she remembers is almost dying, I would be scared too. I am scared. She is not out of the woods yet.

A couple hours later, she is doing a lot better and the nurse said the breathing tube can be removed. Case wanted me to stay while they took the tube out, but the nurses needed space to do so. I paced around the hallway with Chris Motionless and Ricky joining me.

"She's doing really well, man." Ricky said giving me a pat on the back.

"Yeah, she's a trooper." Chris chimed in.

"I think I'm going to ask her to marry me." I said, just staring at the wall, getting quiet reactions, but a smile from both of them.

"I mean that's amazing Spence and we all support it, but lets give her a little time to recoup first, huh?" He questioned me. and I turned to them.

"I know. If I could marry that girl tomorrow I would. I just want her to know that I'm going to be there forever, even in the afterlife taking care of her." I sighed.

Chris put his arm around my shoulder. "Dude, you would literally have to be blind and deaf to not know that. I've never seen someone more in love."

"Hey Spencer?" Nurse Sandy waved me over. "All done. Don't let her rush into speaking. Ice chips for now and just have her work her way into it, only whispers."

"Thank you so much." I ran back in and was so excited to see her again. "Hey baby, I brought you some ice chips." She softly smiled, following Nurse Sandy's instructions not to speak right away. "I missed that smile so much. I love you." She mouthed 'I love you'. "Thumbs up or down, how are you feeling?" Thumbs down. Are you in pain? Thumbs up. "Scale of 1-10?" 5. "Okay, I will let Sandy know."

This week in the hospital was very long. Today is day 7 and Casey is being discharged. Good news is that I only had a fractured wrist, so a splint is better than a cast. My ribs are doing better, but no heavy lifting for a few weeks. Poor Casey is going to have a longer recovery. Her surgery was a success, and they were able to save all organs that may have been punctured. She has several broken ribs, a broken wrist, and a broken nose.

Because I wasn't allowed to do any heavy lifting or driving, Ricky and Chris went with us to the house. Ricky helped me in the house, and Chris carried Casey upstairs. They both put us in bed and were going to stay the night in case we needed anything, even against my protests.

- - - - -

I am groggy as fuck from all of the pain medications I am on right now, but I am happy to be in the same bed as Spencer again. He looked like hell. The guys told me he has barely slept this past week. Here he is now, watching tv in bed with me, looking over at me every 5 seconds to make sure I am okay. "Babe, please get to sleep." I pleaded, and moved his jaw so he had to look at me. "I am fine, I am alive. You can rest." I assured him.

"You almost died. They tried to just leave me to watch you die.." He stuttered and I got a bad sensation just thinking about it.

"Go to sleep. I'm going to be here when you wake up. I promise." I moved as much as my body would allow me to, and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

I woke up screaming in terror and in pain a few hours later. Spencer immediately pulled me in closer, focusing real hard at avoiding my injuries. "Baby you're safe." All I could do was cry. Ricky and Chris ran practically through the door with water and some of my other medications.

I sat up trembling. "I'm sorry, guys." I was so upset I woke everyone up.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Casey." Chris said. "If you need anything else, don't hesitate." He gave me a smile and they walked out.

"Are you going to be okay babe? Do you want to watch a movie instead?" Spencer asked very concerned.

"I will. You can go to sleep though, you need it." I tried to get him to sleep.

"We're in this together. What movie are we watching?" He asked.