There's a hole in my heart nobody can see

Cause the knife in you, brings out the life in me

    Miserable. This tour is fucking miserable. Once again, Ricky begged me to go and I caved. I couldn't let the rest of the guys be down a crew member because of Spencer's dumb ass mistake. Ricky really wanted me to talk to Spencer but I wouldn't and I still won't. What's done is done and there is no changing it. The guys in Motionless were so sweet, and let me crash on their bus for the entire tour because my friend Chris couldn't make this one. Macie and Spencer are back together I guess, history repeating itself. He invited her on tour. Even proposed to the bitch with the same ring he had years ago for her. I am so goddamn lost. I am bouncing back in fourth and handling both sets to keep me busy.

  "Yo Casey!" One of the other crew members yelled as they tossed me a costume. You have got to be fucking kidding me right now. One of the other crew members got sick and now I have to go on stage for her to be "killed" by Spencer. It's part of my job so I am going to just suck it up. I get up on stage and get close to Spencer in my costume, him not expecting me. I could see little miss Macie on the other side of the stage giving me a look of disgust. Spencer and I lock eyes, not long enough for anyone to notice, and I felt like I got hit with razor blades. Do not have a panic attack on stage, Casey. It will be okay.

  I kept repeating that as I did everything I was supposed to on stage. Spencer fake punched me and I fell down into the stage. He grabbed his fake chainsaw and held it in the air, the crowd went wild, and so did I. I hate that I still love him. Spencer looked down at me, and I gave him the signal to go ahead to "kill" me. He nodded back and jumped down behind the white curtain and did his thing. His face was so close to mine, but that only lasted for a second. I crawled behind the gear so none of the crowd could see me leave. I got off stage, tore the costume props off and ran to the bathroom and locked the door.

  What do you know, there was Macie standing before me. I had tears in my eyes and she just stood there laughing at me. I couldn't do anything but run out and hide in the men's bathroom. I hid in one of the stalls for what seemed like forever. I was curled up on the closed seat with my knees to my arms trying to comfort and sing to myself.

"What I would give to sleep my life away
I'd never feel alone again
And yet it's still the same when I'm dreaming
Cause at the end of the day it's just me in my own head"

  After a few minutes and a few lyrics spilt from my mouth, I was able to breathe and get out of the stall. I opened the stall and had no idea anyone was in here. It was Spencer. I washed my hands and went to go walk out the door. It looked like he was going to shut the door before I could leave, but changed his mind at the last second.

  After the show, I hopped back on Motionless' bus following Chris, making jokes the whole way back. Of course INK was on there hanging out, awesome.

- - - - - -

  I feel so defeated. I can not figure out how to get rid of Macie. This bitch is crazy. I literally cannot tell anyone or she will kill someone. She'll kill Casey, which would kill me. I can't go to the police with the note either because apparently she has connections outside and inside the prison walls. Her own words. Apparently her first name is also Kim. I'm in my own horror movie and I want out.

  I'm on stage, and it's time for my next crew member, Tina, to come out so I can "chainsaw" her. I turn around and noticed it was Casey..I could feel the death glare from Macie. This is the closest I've been to her since I was ripped away from her. She looked so beautiful, but so sad. She cannot catch a break, which breaks my heart. She did exactly what she was supposed to do, and gave me the signal to "kill" her. She crawled off the stage so fast and she was gone.

  I walked to the restroom, just trying to breathe, and to have a moment alone, well I thought. I heard a woman's voice singing some Beartooth lyrics, and I knew that voice from anywhere. She crept out of the stall, definitely not expecting to see me. I studied her as she washed her hands, definitely recovering from a panic attack, I just wanted to bring her in so, so, badly. She opened the door and walked out. I debated on shutting it before she could walk out, but I knew it was best to let her go.