DEPUTY - woosan

010

" Why are you laughing? If you find it so fucking funny go and tell Hongjoong your hilarious joke. I'm sure he'd find it even more hilarious than you do. "
San spat at Hyunjin before stomping to the door and out the room.

Despite his words, he had to tell Hongjoong himself.

He had to let Hongjoong take his raw emotions and feelings out on him.
Possibly start the early beatings then and there, just to let something punish him for not being able to save his grandma from the unspeakable.

He didn't know how to cope with her death, he didn't need to cope because he didn't feel the need to, which is exactly where the problem is.  If he doesn't have to cope, then what the hell does he do with the unbearable thoughts?

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Where the fuck is it..

He'd thought to himself over and over, he searched for the one desired thing he wanted at the moment. It had been 2 hours since he told Hongjoong the news of his grandmother, and like he'd expected, he didn't take it lightly.

Hongjoong had used his belt hitting San until his skin swelled, San let Hongjoong hit him, on his back, slap him across his cheek, pull his hair till it hurt, and gave a good punch right to his eye, a bruise already beginning to form.

Unbeknownst to Hongjoong however, it sent San flying back to his upbringing, when his uncle hit him with his own belt, continuously, while blaming him for his little brother also known as San's father's death.

San believed him, he believed him that it truly was his fault, wasn't it?

Just like Hongjoong's grandma's death, he was just as responsible for her's and his father death.

Hongjoong only realized what he'd done to San when San sat silently on the floor, his back being completely covered in purple and red bruises, and blood sitting on the skin that was raw.

It looked like San had been the one who killed her, but he wasn't, Hongjoong knew that, but he still continued to beat him raw, and what did San do? He sat there.

He sat there and took Hongjoong's punching, he sat there and took Hongjoong's words.
The words he knew that Hongjoong didn't mean to him, the words meant for his grandmother's murderer. He knew Hongjoong wouldn't do such things to him.
But now, serving as a temporary way of justice and relief for Hongjoong,
he sat there, and he let Hongjoong beat him and speak to him as if he was the murderer.

He saw himself as her murderer, he blamed himself for her murder, he thought that if he had just acted sooner then none of this would have happened, but he didn't, and now a precious life was lost and he's here to pay for it.

Hongjoong's red eyes from crying widened, it sent a sharp pain in his eyes but he couldn't care less, his lips parted as his lower lip twitched in realization.

But San? He just sat there, he noticed Hongjoong had stopped beating him, but he refused to move, his head hung low, and he just sat there, so what exactly was San doing?

He was crying.

Wasn't he?

I mean.. he didn't feel the pain that naturally comes with crying.
He felt like if he rose his head, he would disrespect Hongjoong's grandmother, and which for your information, he involuntarily started seeing as his second  grandmother after his own.

So there he sat, on the floor, his eyes and face facing the carpet, refusing to look anywhere else but straight down, refusing to do anything but bow for his now murdered grandmother.