DEPUTY - woosan

030

Hongjoong himself would probably laugh if someone told him that San was actually in love, infact, the latter himself was probably not even aware of the fact himself. Hongjoong can't remember seeing San ever being genuinely happy, he doesn't think he's ever seen a genuine smile on his face.

He does however, remember the night San's heart died.

The night, 9 years ago..
The night he killed his mother.

════════ ⋆★⋆ ════════

9 years ago

San stood over her mother's body as she took her last breaths, his episode still strong and messing with him.

His mother laid in San's bedroom with 72 stab wounds, all which were oozing out blood and bodily fluids.

San's hand was shakily holding the knife, his eyes were blown and his whole body trembled. The sounds in his head of his father yelling at him and calling him a disappointment slowed down and faded, and soon it was quiet except the small gurgling noises which came from his dying mother. It downed on him what he had done, he'd killed his own mother.

San stared at her, a blank expression on his face as it began sinking in on him that he had killed her. She was his first victim. His eye twitched when he watched his mother take her last breath until she stilled completely, his heart died at the same time as his mother. Darkness consumed his mind, and he felt all peace within him turn to violence, all happiness vanish in thin air as if it never existed.

He dropped the blood-soaked knife to the ground, the metal echoing out in the now ice cold house that was once filled with laughter, warmness.. and comfort.

Suddenly he heard a swoosh, and looked up to see a distorted version of his uncle laughing at him for killing her, mocking how San's mother looked as she struggled to breathe in oxygen.
" She's a whore, it's good that you killed her, just like I told you to. " San's uncle spoke while chuckling. San had been hearing his uncle's voice telling him to kill her for years now and now he'd finally had enough. San stared at the corpse without saying anything, watching the life drain out of her like water running down the drain.

" San. " Hongjoong called out, cutting San's flashback short as he tried getting in touch with the other. Something seemed wrong with San, terribly wrong.

San didn't turn to look at Hongjoong, but the latter could easily tell that something happened to San when he killed his mother. It was like something in him died following her death. San's eyes seemed blank, emotionless, and at loss of any color. His once warm hazel eyes that glistened beautifully like the sparks of a burning flame now looked dull, like the wood of a dead and old tree, uncared for and abused. San's fists around the fork were clenched tight, so tight in fact that his knuckles were turning white. San didn't look up at anyone.

They were currently sitting around a table, most members of Shax and they were eating dinner whilst discussing further plans on missions and arranging roles. San had been assigned as one of the 'extras' in case they need back-up or they lose too many people. San at 15 years old was neither as fit as the rest of the gang members nor did Hongjoong find him old enough for most missions.

" San, can you hear what I'm saying? " Seonghwa asked him, cocking his head to the side at the younger but receiving no response. San seemed out of it, like his soul had actually evaporated and left behind his body without an owner. Hongjoong and Seonghwa looked at each other, and then back at San who still seemed unresponsive. San's face was pale as if he had seen a ghost and his eyes were wide as he stared down at his lap and clenched and unclenched his fist.