kit connor X male reader

rosie, stress, kit catches me for the first time

Tw: sh

The next day, Kit and I were sitting on the sofa cuddling while watching the greatest showmen when my phone rang
It's Rosie. I haven't talked to her in ages, I sit up, and I pick up

"Hi rosie,"
"Hi River, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up, I'm in London for two days for work, and today I've got nothing to do. I haven't seen you in so long, "
"Uh, sure, let me just ask if I can."
"Yeah, okay."

I move my phone away from my ear, and I look at kit
"Kitkat, can I go out and see rosie?" I ask
"Sweetheart, you don't have to ask. You can go out if you want to, just be safe, especially with what's going on right now,"
I put my phone back to my ear

"Yeah, okay, I can go. Where gonna meet up? "
"Uh, maybe we can at the Starbucks near the train station."
"Okay, I'll call you when I'm there,"
"Okay bye river"
"Bye rosie,"

I put my phone down, and I stand up, and I walk into the hallway, and I put on my shoes and I start looking for my ear defenders, kit hears that I'm making alot of noise, he walks into the hallway and looks at me
"What you looking for?" he asks
"My ear defenders"
"There in our bedroom," he smiles "ill get them for you,"

Kit goes upstairs, then comes down with my ear defenders
"There you go, darling," he says, handing them to me
"Can you drop me off, I don't like walking on my own,"
"Yeah, okay."

Kit puts on his shoes, and we get in the car. Kit would normally put his hand on my thigh, but we have chosen not to do that at the moment as he needs to Starr concentrating on driving. We arrive at Starbucks, and I message Rosie asking if she's there. She replies, saying she is almost there
"Do you want to wait in here for her?" Kit asks
"Yeah," I say, leaning on his shoulder

Kit puts his hand up my jumper and starts tickling me
"Kit, stop," I laugh
"No," he smiles
"Kitttt," I giggle
"Nope, I won't. I love seeing you laugh. "
"KIT, IM GOING TO PEE MYSELF"

Kit stops, then takes his hand out of my jumper, I see rosie standing near Starbucks, and I go to get out, but Kit pulls me back
"Oi, give me a goodbye kiss," he smirks
"You're so needy," I say sarcastically
Kit cups my face and kisses me quickly
"Bye, stay safe, call me when you're coming home," he says
"I will don't worry,"
"Love you,"
"Love you too,"

I get out of the car, and I walk up to Rosie, and I hug her
"God, it's been so long," she says
"Yeah, I know." I smile
"Do you want to get a drink?"
"Oh fuck yes"

We walk into Starbucks and we order our drinks, we both get a pumpkin spice latte and we walk out and we walk around for about an hour
"Do you want to go to a park" rosie asks
"Yeah there's a nice one about five minutes from us"
"Ooh let's go"

We put our empty drinks in the bin and we walk to the park but we get stopped by some people
"Hey are you river" they ask
"Um y-yeah"
"You dating kit" they smirk
I go to speak but I can't, fuck I keep becoming nonverbal
"Does it matter if he is" rosie snaps
"Well I think that's a bit greedy I bet kit is only dating him because he's going to take the mick out of him" they laugh

I walk away and I start crying and i sit on a bench l, rosie finished shouting at them and sits next to me on the bench
"You okay" she asks
I shake my head, rosie doesn't know that I have been becoming nonverbal at timed
I pull out my phone and I type
'Can you call kit to pick me up'
And I show her
"Uh I don't have his number"
I call kit and put him on speaker so rosie can talk to him
"River you okay" he asks "are you crying sweetheart"
"Uh kit river wants you to um pick him up" rosie says
"Yeah okay that's fine, where are you"
"Uh we'll walk back to starbucks"
"Okay ill be there in about 10 minutes"
"Okay see you then"
"River, listen to me please, I'm on my way okay meet me at Starbucks, I love you stay safe"

Kit hangs up and we start walking to Starbucks we end up reaching it before Kit and we sit on a table outside about five minutes later kit arrives and he sees me in tears and he walks but to me and hugs me
"Hey its okay" he comforts

He helps me stand up and looks at rosie
"Thank you for looking after him"
"It's not a problem that's what friends are for"
Kit smiles
"Hope you feel better river" rosie says

Me and Kit get in the car and I burst into tears
"Oh baby, what's wrong" he says pulling me onto his lap and hugging me
I shake my head
"You gone nonverbal"
I nod
"Can you tell me whats wrong,"
I shake my head
"Okay, that's fine, do you just want to go home"
I nod

When we arrive home I throw my shoes on the floor and I storm off upstairs and I slam the bathroom door and I lock it,  I sit against the door and I start sobbing, what of its true, what if kit doesn't love me and he's only dating me to see what it's like to date a trans guy, what if he's dating me just to have a laugh. I can't stop overthinking, and everything just seems to become a blur, I stand up, and I open the sink cupboard and take out one of kits' spare razors and I sit by the sink and I take it out of its packaging and I take the seal off the blade.

I put it down, knowing i shouldn't do it, but then in a spit second, there was blood all over my arm, floor, and on the razor. I start crying again, fuck, what have I done. There was a knock on the door
"Riv, you've been in there for more than an hour. Can I come in"

I ignore him
"River"
I don't say anything
"River, I will unlock this door,"
After hearing that, I started panicking
"N-no don't come i-in." I manage to say
"Why?"
I don't reply

Kit unlocks the door and sees me with blood everywhere
"Hey, what happened?" he says, crouching in front of me
"I-i don't know, I got all stressed, and it just happened,"
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," he says, standing up

I sit on the toilet, and kit wipes my cuts with water
"Ow, it stings,"
"It's going to sweetheart."
Kit puts plasters on my arm, then hugs me
"I'm sorry," I say
"It's not your fault, rosie told me what happened," he says

I feel bad for kit having to always look after me like I'm some fragile mess. Maybe i don't deserve him. Maybe I shouldn't date him. Maybe we arnt made for each other