kit connor X male reader

apology, back together, everything is going to be fine

TW: mention of r@pe

I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to sleep. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to eat. I don't want to drink. Everything feels like an effort. Even laying in bed feels like an effort. I flick on my TV and scroll through netflix, I decided to watch heartstopper as it's my comfort show, but not even an episode in. I turn it back off. It reminds me of what Kit and I had, a loving relationship, but now that's all gone down the drain. I want to cry, but I can't even cry. Crying feels like an effort.

Mum comes up a few hours later, and she sees me lying in the middle of my bed, wrapped in my duvet like a burrito. She sits on the bed and strokes my hair,
"Sweetheart, are you sure that kit cheated on you?" Mum asks, "He loves you so much. "
"Yes, mum, there were videos and pictures they are everywhere," I say quietly, "I hate him,"
"You don't hate him. If you hated him, you wouldn't care. You love him so much. "

Mum carries on talking to me, trying to make me feel better, but it doesn't work. Eventually, she leaves, and im on my own again. Alone in the world. No one to care about me. I think I saw this coming. My and kit's relationship was too good to be true. I sit up, and I go on my phone. My Twitter notification goes on, and I click on it. Kits made a post. I click on it only because im curious.

'Why do you all do this, false me to come out, having to tell about my relationship with river and now posting that video so congratulations for fucking up my relationship'

I look through the comments and people start tagging me I come off of twitter and i have a message on WhatsApp from joe, I click on it

Joe- kit really wants to talk to you

Joe- it's like what has happened has broke him

River- I don't want to talk to him

Joe- you don't have to talk to him just hear him out

River- is kit with you?

Joe- yeah

River - show this message to kit

River- you have no idea what the fuck you have done to me I can't do anything everything feels like an effort you have fucked up my mind okay sure if you got raped I'm sorry for you if you got sexually assaulted once again I'm sorry for you but there is no evidence of that happening if you cant find a picture or video of you pushing her away or it actually happening I will not believe you. Say to me, 'You're not a detective or not a police officer. You're an actor like me' and shit like that. You're probably scared that I know more about this stuff, and I can tell when people lie and tell the truth, so until you can prove to me that you didn't cheat on me do not talk to me

I put my phone down, and I started crying, I want all of this to end, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Why is my life like this. I want to die. I want to become a ghost and haunt all the people who hurt me.

Over the next few days, I only got up to go to the toilet, and that was it, I haven't slept. I haven't eaten, and I haven't drunk. I haven't even checked my phone. I've just been laying here doing nothing. Someone knocks on the front door, and then they come in. I can't care enough for who it is. Probably grandma or something. Someone comes upstairs and then knocks on my door.

"Mum, go away," I call
"Riv," the person says
The only person that calls me 'riv' is kit, what the fuck is he doing here
"Can I come in" he begs "I want to apologise"
"No"
Kit sits up against the door then sighs
"I'll be here if you want to talk, you don't have to talk to me I understand that I hurt you I never wanted to do that I just wanted a fun time with my friends but that quickly changed"

I don't know how long kit was sitting there but it felt like a long time. Kit kept talking to me, and I listen. He talked about a lot of things, his childhood, our relationship, the club, filming, the rape. I can tell that he's really sorry, but I don't want to forgive him yet.
"River, I never meant to hurt you," he says, his voice breaking. "I'm going to go now, I'll give you some space, I also found a video I can send it to you. It's only 10 seconds long, but it's something. I'm sorry for everything. " Kit sent me the video and got up

I grab my phone, and I click on the video he sent. The alleyway, kit pinned to the wall, the woman pressing him again, kissing him. Then Kit pushes her away, and then she grabs his hand, pushing him back against the wall again, and then it ends. I sit up and I open my door, I hear kit downstairs putting his shoes on and I basically flew down the stairs and i look at him
"I was wrong," I say

Kit looks at me and smiles softly. Then he holds my face and kisses me hard. I melt into the kiss. It feels like we have been falsed apart from centuries. Kit breaks away, then looks at me. I hold kits hand, and we go upstairs, and I shut the bedroom door.
"I'm so sorry." I say quietly
Kit looks at me, then smiles slightly
"It's not your fault you just believed what you saw,"
I start sobbing, and Kit sits on my bed, then opens his arms, signalling for me to cuddle up to me him.

"Come here," he whispers
I walk slowly over to him, and i sit on his lap, and I hug him tight, sobbing onto his shoulder, kit rocking from side to side comforting me. I eventually calm down, and I look up at kit, and I kiss him. Our lips connect, and we feel as one. Our hands roaming around each others body's. Kit breaks away and looks at me
"I've missed you so much," he say softly, "so so much."
"I've missed you too,"

We hug for a long time, and then I look up at kit
"Can you stay here tonight?" I say quietly
"Yeah," he whispers
I kiss him again, and kit breaks away
"You haven't been looking after yourself, have you?"
I nod sadly
"Have you eaten?"
I shake my head
"Drunk"
I shake my head again
"Slept?"
"No, not really," I say quietly

Kit hugs me tight his hands at the back of my head.
"Do you want to have a shower?"
"In the morning,"
"Do you want to eat something"
"I'll try"
Kit stands up and I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck my head resting on his shoulder. Kit walks downstairs and goes in the kitchen and makes me some toast then places it on the table. I get down and I sit down and kit sits next to me.

I look up at him nervously
"Just eat a little bit"
I take a bite out of the toast and swallow it.
"I don't want to eat" I say
"Half, eat half of it then you don't have to eat anymore"
I shake my head
"Kit I cant" I place my hands on my head and my head shaking from side to side my knees bobbing up and down
"You can, you can river" Kit says "look at me"
I look up at kit and he smiles
"You are the strongest person I have ever seen. You are soooo strong. I think you are stronger then me sometimes. You can do this river"

I look at the plate of food then back at kit then back at the food. I pick up the toast and I take another bite. I eat a little less then half and kit throws the rest in the bin.
"I'm really proud of you"
I smile, kit picks me up and we go back in my room and we watch a movie. I end up falling asleep on kits shoulder and I wake up a few hours later.

Me and Kit cuddle for a bit
"Did all of that actually happen to you?" I ask
It takes Kit a while to answer, but he says yes, he starts tearing up and i hug him tight
"im sorry i didnt believe you when you told me"
"its fine honistly" he says 
"no its not, i told you that you faked being raped"
"you didnt you just didnt believe me"
"sorry" i say quietly
"its fine i promise" 

i put on brooklyn nine-nine of my tv and we cuddled while watching. im happy we are back together, maybe i over reacted when i saw the video. i love him with all my heart. people kept tagging me in the video but i ignore it now, i know what i saw before wasnt what happened. i hug kit tight, not wanting to leave him. i think everything will be fine, truly this time. everything is going to be fine.