The Challenge: Ride or Dies

Episode 10

I get back to the villa after the most lopsided twist and I immediately go into the music room to work on a routine I have to choreograph for a group on PEAK TIME. I love the song and this dance is the perfect song for what I am feeling right now. I spend the rest of the night alone in the room because I know that if I do not, I am going to tell everyone about what Fessy and I have done all season. I admit that I play with emotions more than I would like to but this game is all about emotions because we have built bonds with each other over the years.

As I leave the room, I see Nurys sitting outside the room and it looks like she has been crying for a bit. I tap Nurys on the shoulder and guide her back into the music room. She looks like she could use someone to talk to and what better way to start off my fuck you to everyone here by getting close to the best friend of my "best friend." Once Nurys is in the room and I lock the door so no one can barge in and interrupt us, I hug Nurys and sit down with her at the piano. I begin to play a couple of chords and give her some time to relax.

Nurys: Thank you Syn.

Syn: Please. Call me Brett.

Nurys: I thought you did not let anyone call you that.

Syn: Am I some monster is afraid of?

She does not say anything and starts to fidget with her fingers, which gives me the answer I need.

Nurys: Brett, I know you are not, but you understand that it is hard to ignore it when everyone is saying it.

Syn: Who is everyone, exactly?

Nurys: Kaycee, Kenny, Nany, Bananas, Amber, Chauncey, Moriah, Faysal, Nelly, Olivia, Ryan...

Syn: Wait, Ryan and Liv said it too?

Nurys: They kinda started it. We all were talking about it when you left the Zone earlier and that's why it bothered me so much.

Syn: Nurys, what happened that you were crying?

Nurys: They were talking about you and I remembered how I was treated on Ex on the Beach and it made me realize that I did not want to contribute to the dogpile.

Wow! I am at a loss for words in the moment. Is this why Ryan suggested I become the villain? Did I let my love for my own brother cloud my judgement and not see the truth?

Nurys: Brett, look at me. You are an amazing person that should not feel bad about themselves at all. You have a mom and brother who love you. You have a fiance who worships the ground you step on. You have children who are so proud of their papa. You have true friends who would travel across the world for you...

Syn: How do you know about the London trip?

Nurys: Nelly told me when I wanted to get to know about everyone. He told me that you have not had the best luck with people you trust. He told me about Jesse and Hunter and your dad and everyone you were friends with on Big Brother.

Syn: Did he tell you that I almost didn't make it through my trip to London because I felt like I had nothing left? Did he tell you that I have helped so many of my friends outside of the game with procedures they need or their families or their children? I have given up movie roles and lost money due to not releasing music. I have nearly lost my husband and kids over this whole thing.

Nurys: Husband?

Syn: Oh yeah. No one knows this but Christian and I got married after Spies, Lies, and Allies. Right when we had the kids.

Nurys: Not even Ryan?

Syn: No one knows. You want to know why? I felt like my family would think I am such an idiot for marrying the love of my life so soon. I am married to the man and I still feel like I am not worthy of his love. I am just waiting for the day when he comes to his senses and just leaves me. No one really cares or loves me. How could they when I do not even love myself?