Cowboy Casanova

11

The next morning, I was back in a jet. It felt jarring, almost the same way it felt after Kelly died. I didn't feel comfortable. Hangman hadn't looked my way, which was fine. I was angry. I would've never put any of them in danger for a trophy, no matter how competitive I am. We were supposed to be a team. But this didn't feel like a team. I sat in the cockpit, staring at the controls while the ground crew prepped the aircraft for flight. It was just another hop. I was in the air with Rooster. "Bogey at ten o'clock low. You've got the angle, piece of cake." I check my ten o'clock low but I don't feel good about it. I look over my shoulder, not sure what to do and for the first time in a long time, I'm afraid. The bogey abruptly turns into me and I hesitate. Then suddenly, I jerk the stick hard right and take the F/A-18 away from the bogey at great speed. "What? Where in the hell are you going?" Rooster asked, startled. I was startled too; my hands were shaking.

"It didn't look good..." I responded, hoping Rooster would just let it go.

"It doesn't get much better, much easier than that. What's going on?" He asked me. I shake my head even though he can't see me.

"Nothing. I'm fine." We land the jets and I walk away from my plane. I wasn't proud of my performance, and even worse, I felt like I had let people down. Vipe watched me walk away and I knew what he was thinking. I had to get over this before it cost me my spot in Top Gun. I called my dad first thing when I got home. He had a small chuckle when I told him about my nerves.

"We really are the same." I rolled my eyes. "When I lost Goose, I had a hard time getting over my nerves. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. You're mom, she helped. It wasn't easy but she really put me in my place." I smiled. "She reminded me that I had a fire in me, that I had this love for flying that I couldn't escape. You have it too, kid."

"I know... I hate this feeling. I hate feeling afraid and looking over my shoulder. I loved flying because I felt free, like I could do anything. And now, I'm too scared to do a goddamn thing."

"You can't be a mediocre pilot. You'll get yourself or someone else killed. If you decide to keep flying, you have to be the best and put your whole soul into it. But you can stop. I can get Iceman to send you back to your squadron with nothing noted on your record, no explanation required.m Doesn't hurt your career, but people always wonder about things like that. Or...You can quit. It's no disgrace. You won't be disappointing anyone, especially not me, if you're worried about that." I smiled, liking that my dad knew what I was thinking. "A good pilot always questions theirself. Stays alert to drifting. Makes little corrections. That saves their life." I breathed out, feeling a little better that someone like my dad had gone through the same thing and came out better, stronger. I hated it when I compared myself to him, because we're two people but there's so many similarities that it's scary.

𐑺

    "This is the last hop before graduation. This will determine first place on the trophy. Do your best." I laid low, watching the other pilots take their shots and miss, getting shot down by Viper. I pulled up from where I had been hiding, surprising the left over aviators, including Rooster.

"Where the hell did she come from?" I heard through the radio. Viper followed me, not able to stay on my tail, as I made sure to fly just above the lowest we were allowed to go. I maneuvered around the mountains and torpedoed my plane around. It wasn't long before I had gone around a large mountain, and out of the range of Viper and his target on me as I pulled up steeply at a sharp incline. Since he couldn't see me past the mountain, Viper assumed I went straight. When I watched him follow the straight path and had gone enough distance ahead, I dove down, doing a one 180 turn down and pulled behind him. It was a twist on the usual break and pass maneuver. A smirk rested on my face as I caught up to Viper, following his lead. My plane suddenly zoomed up past him, startling the commander as I did a 360 loop to fall right behind him. I was back doing all of my tricks, no matter what they said. He flew to the side, trying to get me in my loop, but I was able to still get a tone on him, despite being mid-loop and upside down.

"You're dead, Viper." He heard me say through the coms as I flew past him, doing a couple more spins in the air for the fun of it.

"Good job, Banshee. Really surprised me." Viper admitted. I wanted to believe that he was smiling, glad that I was back, but he was probably cursing to himself. "Head back to the hard deck."

"Thank you, sir." I replied, cordially. That was it. I won. I was first place in the Top Gun competition.