Where Clover Whitens (Jalex)

Scansion

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed

And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

"Mad Girl's Love Song" - Sylvia Plath

The following two weeks passed by in a way that made Alex feel like he'd been swept into a tornado. A tornado that Jack conjured with his fingertips and that Beau blasted with cold air to bring the spinning to a stop. Alex had never had what he'd call a whirlwind romance, but Beau was the closest thing to it. He spent the next couple of days with the other man, fucking and talking, watching movies, and eating the delicious food Beau seemed to be able to produce with little effort. Beau took him to all of his favorite spots in Burbank and the Valley, places that Alex had never even heard of. He went with Alex on walks with the dogs and sat through all of The Fifth Element with him. He even made homemade caramel popcorn to snack on while they watched it.

Simply put, Beau was perfect. For the two weeks that Jack was with Caitlin in the Maldives, Beau kept Alex busy. However, Alex rarely talked about Jack. He was too afraid of slipping up and telling Beau the truth about the "person he was in love with who got married." Alex didn't want Beau to ever know about him and Jack. Still, Alex thought about Jack for those two weeks nearly every day. He thought about his grungy vintage t-shirt collection when they passed a thrift store one day on a walk with the dogs. Alex thought about dinners with the Barakats when they slid into a booth at a Mediterranean restaurant, and Beau ordered shawarma. And he definitely thought of Jack when he saw a purple-green bruise on his collarbone. Beau had left it, but there had been one from Jack before. He could remember just how it felt when Jack sank his teeth into his skin and licked over it and how he'd looked at Alex when he pulled off of him. Beau was perfect. But he fucking wasn't Jack.

Still, Alex had thought that without Jack, he'd be worthless and lifeless, like a withering plant yellowing at the edges, his leaves falling dead to the ground and getting crunched under Caitlin's pedicured feet. And maybe he is. Alex doesn't exactly know how he feels yet. But there was Beau, and he felt like the coldest, most refreshing, and crisp drink of water Alex's roots have ever touched.

And it's for that reason that Alex deleted every single voicemail that Jack left him on his wedding night.

***

The evening after Caitlin and Jack returned from the Maldives, Beau decided they needed to get together for dinner. Alex was horrifically apprehensive. Would Beau be able to see right through Alex's starry eyes when he looked at Jack? Could Alex hold it together when he saw Jack and Caitlin's matching gold bands? Would Jack forgive him for a) leaving his reception before the best man toast, b) getting into a new relationship and not telling him, and c) not returning his calls and making him worry so much? Alex simply texted Jack a "sorry" the evening after the wedding. Jack had to know that something was up; truthfully, he probably knew what that something was.

"Caitlin is so excited that we're dating," Beau told Alex on the way to the restaurant. It was a farm-to-table joint, but also a cool bar that Jack loved, but for Alex, the actual star was the onion rings. Beau hated onions, but maybe Alex could get Jack to split them with him.

"Yeah?" Alex asked with a forced smile, looking ahead at the highway. Beau had one hand on the wheel and one on his knee, rubbing semicircles into the ripped denim of Alex's jeans. He couldn't imagine why she'd be excited to see him , of all people. Then again, Caitlin had no clue that Alex was in love with her husband and had slept with him before their wedding.

Beau laughed. "Yeah, she said it makes sense now why you snubbed Kenzie. And that she couldn't believe that Jack didn't tell her you're gay."

Alex swallowed hard at the mention of Jack. " Bi ," he corrected. "And I snubbed Kenzie because her perfume was stinky." It was actually because she wasn't Jack, but Alex kept that to himself.