Where Clover Whitens (Jalex)

Epilogue

the city in which I love you.

And I never believed that the multitude

of dreams and many words were vain.

-Li-Young Lee, "The City in Which I Love You"

Alex's walk back to the apartment from his therapist's office wasn't long, but it was long enough for him to contemplate the session. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his winter coat and shivered. It was February in New York City and there was a light snow falling on his beanie and eyelashes as his boots stomped the sidewalk.

"And how do you feel about the verdict? Are you okay?" Paulette asked him in her blue chair, leaning toward him with a pen and notebook. She asked him during their first session if he minded if she took notes and he said no, but sometimes he wondered what she wrote down. Pathetic? Victim? Strong? Survivor? He's been called all of those things, but he really just wants to be called Alex.

"I just...Well, I'm glad we moved, I guess."

Not long after Jack admitted his feelings, they had a conversation about the future in which Alex expressed uncertainty about, well, everything. But mainly:

"I don't love L.A.," Alex confessed. "There's too many bad memories here. And if I'm honest, I only moved here to be closer to you." He flushed red at the admission, but Jack just took him into his arms, kissing his forehead.

"Well, I love you," Jack replied. "And all I want is to be with you and for you to be happy. If that means moving, then we'll move. We don't have to be here."

Alex perked up, smiling. "Really? Where would we go?"

"Anywhere," Jack said with a shrug. "But if I had to choose, I'd pick somewhere cooler and closer to home. I want to be closer to my family, my niece, you know?"

Alex did know. His parents were older and he missed being a car ride away from them. "How about New York City?" He offered, taking Jack's hand. "We'll be so close to May and Flyzik. And we can take the train to see our families."

"You know what, Lexy? That sounds perfect."

They'd chosen a two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, very close to May. She was a short walk away and they had lunch together every Sunday, oftentimes with Flyzik and other friends joining, too. They didn't have a yard for the dogs to run around in, but they got plenty of walks. Besides, they were much older now and didn't have the energy to run around anymore.

But it was only a few months into their move that Alex received a call from the LA County district attorney's office, letting him know that all charges against Beau were being dropped due to lack of evidence.
"I feel kind of...nervous, I guess," Alex told Paulette. "Like I don't think he's dumb enough to come here and find me, but...," he trailed off, wrapping both arms around himself, wishing Jack was here with him.

It seemed like the natural decision for Alex to go to therapy, not just because of the abusive relationship with Beau, but also because of everything he'd been through in the past year. Things with Jack were good, great even, but Alex was well aware that his attachment to Jack wasn't healthy. He wanted their relationship to be healthy so it would last forever. If there was anything wrong, Alex wanted to fix it before it became a big issue. Paulette was helping him love himself, but also how to love Jack well and how to accept the right kind of love.

"But I think Jack is more bothered about it than me. He's so angry that he wants me to file a civil suit."

Paulette smiled. "What do you think about that?"