Where Clover Whitens (Jalex)

Elision

Love gives naught but itself and takes

naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be

possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

-Kahlil Gibran, "On Love"

Sometimes, Zack's brain got too full, full of anxieties and dread and even just run-of-the-mill thoughts. When that happened, he liked to go to the beach, stare at the water, watch the waves crash against the shore, and carry sand back with them. It was peaceful and always the same. He'd always found the ocean to be calming, which was why he'd moved to Hawaii in the first place. Onstage was where his heart was, but his soul belonged to the beach.

Of course, being in California, he had to make do with the beaches there. Back when he and Rian were hooking up, they both lived in LA, and as cliché, as it sounded, Venice Beach had always been their beach. It was a lot of peoples' beach, to be fair, and there was nothing particularly special about it, but it was a convenient meeting place for the two of them. It wasn't private, but it was often so crowded that they felt anonymous.

Zack wasn't sure why he'd made the drive to Venice Beach. He'd stayed around in case Alex needed him for anything, but Jack seemed to have that covered. Claire had dumped him. His family was all in or around Baltimore. Only Rian and Dan were really around to hang out, but Zack didn't trust himself around Rian, despite Rian's recent apology. Therefore, he spent a good amount of time alone, If he wasn't doing behind-the-scenes things to keep the band afloat (with Rian, unfortunately), he was alone in an Airbnb with his thoughts.

He worried about Alex, naturally. Zack wished that he'd paid more attention to Alex after Jack's wedding, and he really wished he knew what had transpired in his friend's life the past few months. He worried about Jack, too, because Jack had basically upended his life to take care of Alex, and his wife was not happy about it. Begrudgingly so, he worried about Rian, too. He still hadn't proposed to Savannah when, before, he'd been so gung-ho about marrying her. Zack hoped he hadn't made Rian have second thoughts (but also, he kind of hoped he had). Besides that, Rian had been acting weird for a while. The two of them usually only spoke about band things or Alex's recovery, but every once in a while, they'd slip into loud laughs and rehash stories from when they were a bunch of nobodies from Towson. Those conversations were lovely and comforting, much like Venice Beach. But unlike Venice Beach, they also were a bit unnerving. Rian had gone years without saying much at all to Zack, so these sporadic talks felt weird.

That wasn't to say that Zack did not welcome at least a semi-return of the old Rian, his Rian, the one whose eyes softened when their gazes met, who flashed megawatt smiles at him from across the room, the one who he loved so fiercely, who he believed to be the love of his life. And maybe that was why Zack had come to the beach. With the return of his Rian also came the return of visits to their beach.

He'd been planning on spending the day alone to reflect and try to make sense of everything that made his brain go on overload. But it was only half an hour into his visit that someone joined him.

"Hey Zack," the aforementioned man greeted, his form blocking the sun from where Zack sat in the sand. He wasn't dressed for the beach necessarily, in black gym shorts and a white t-shirt with sneakers.

"Rian?" Zack asked, his heartbeat quickening and his fingers going numb. "What are you doing here?"

Rian smiled wanly without his teeth. "I could ask you the same thing, you know. Can I sit?" He gestured to the spot in the sand beside Zack.