Where Clover Whitens (Jalex)

Envoi

 'In Love, if Love be Love, if Love be ours,

Faith and unfaith can ne'er be equal powers:

Unfaith in aught is want of faith in all.

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson, "Vivien's Song"

It had been a couple of hours, and Alex was pacing the rug in his rented house. He didn't love that rug, didn't love the house, but it hadn't mattered back in January when he'd moved to LA. Alex had moved there for Jack (and the occasional work thing), but now he wondered if that had been the best decision.

Jack had told Alex he loved him more than once, but Jack was still with Caitlin. Who was to say Jack had any desire to be with Alex?

"Dude, you gotta calm down," Zack told Alex, jumping out of the recliner and ambling over to rest a hand on his shoulder. "You're just gonna wear yourself out doing this."

Alex shrugged his shoulders but slowed his pace. "Maybe, but at least then I'll be too tired to worry."

"He's going to come back," Rian assured Alex from the sofa, eyes set on his phone.

Sighing, Alex stopped pacing and just stood in the middle of the floor for a moment. "I guess you guys are right, but like...It has been two hours. What if something happened to him?" Translation: what if Beau had happened to him?

"Beau's not stupid enough to fuck with Jack," Zack reasoned, essentially reading Alex's mind. "He saw him that day we were at his house. Jack will kill him if he even looks his way. Beau knows that."

Maybe that should have made Alex feel better but in all honesty, the only thing that would improve his mood would be Jack walking through the front door. Back to Alex.

Alex settled down on the sofa next to Rian, bringing his knees up to his chest. His chest felt like a dumbbell was sitting on it and his brain was running a marathon. How was he supposed to relax? Beau wasn't the only possible bad scenario here. Alex had no idea where Jack had gone. Jack had his location, but Alex didn't have Jack's. There was really no reason for him to; for the past few weeks, Jack had been with him. And Jack had only had Alex's for when he'd moved to L.A. If Jack was with Caitlin, he could have decided that he wanted to be with her and not Alex. The thought of losing Jack again period made Alex want to fucking kill himself. And while Jack had promised to never hurt him again, he'd made empty promises before. Alex wanted to believe him, but Jack didn't have the greatest track record.

Even though Jack had told Alex that he loved him, Caitlin was rich, powerful, a fucking knockout, and exactly Jack's type. What did Alex have that she didn't have, really? Maybe he was a better person (though Alex wasn't convinced since he was effectively a homewrecker), but that was it. Caitlin was everything Jack had ever wanted and Alex was terrified that if Jack had gone back to the house he shared with her, then she'd remind him of what he was missing.

Alex could feel tears springing to his eyes and he felt pathetic as he reached into his pants pocket for his phone. With his shaky hands, he sent Jack a simple text, tears hitting the touch screen.

Don't forget to come home.

Jack and Caitlin had picked their house out together a couple of years before when the market was much better. He'd been so relieved, when inflation had skyrocketed the price of everything, that they'd chosen to go ahead and purchase the house in Beverly Hills. Given the location, Caitlin had footed a great deal of the bill, but she'd always sworn that the house was as much his as it was hers.

As he sat in his car staring at his old home, Jack remembered how Caitlin loved the kitchen island and the high ceilings. Jack loved the skylights and the porch overlooking the backyard. When they'd purchased the house, he'd pictured a couple of big dogs running around in the backyard while he threw a frisbee or a stick. And eventually, he could have seen children on a swing set or a trampoline. He pictured playing catch with a son or daughter while Caitlin watched from the porch with a smile.