Where Clover Whitens (Jalex)

Prosody

as soon as I glance at you a moment, I

can't say a thing,

and my tongue stiffens into silence, thin

flames underneath my skin prickle and spark,

a rush of blood booms in my ears, and then

my eyes go dark,

and sweat pours coldly over me, and all

my body shakes, suddenly sallower

than summer grass, and death, I fear and feel,

is very near.

- Sappho, "Sappho 31"

Alex had never kissed someone as intensely as he had kissed Jack that night. When Jack's lips touched his, the wall that Alex had constructed years ago was demolished. He was wild, finally feeling free, like his authentic self for the first time. Alex had always imagined his first real kiss with Jack to be soft, tentative; it was anything but. It was fiery, with Alex's arms looped around Jack's neck, his fingers deep in Jack's dark hair. His mouth was open, lips slotted against Jack's and while he'd imagined his tongue would be shy if he ever managed to really kiss Jack, he couldn't have assumed farther from the truth. Alex was different tonight, but that should not have been a surprise. He was always different around Jack. Happy, but sad. Having the time of his life while also being miserable. Feeling lucky to have Jack in his life, but jealous of Caitlin. He could never be one or the other because he loved Jack too much. He could never be sad around him, but he could never be truly happy either. Except now, it seemed.

Jack's arms were wrapped around Alex's waist, hands playing with the hem of Alex's hoodie. Occasionally, Jack's fingertips would brush the skin right underneath the hoodie and Alex would shiver, his breath hitching against Jack's mouth. Alex couldn't believe that this was happening, but it was. All his senses were on fire. He could feel Jack's hands and his lips, his tongue and his breath against his own. Alex could hear him panting, his breath stuttering against his own. All he could see was Jack when he opened his eyes; Jack's were closed, but his lashes were stunning, pressed against Alex's face. His cheeks were flushed a deep pink, contrasting Jack's olive skin. His hair was a little mussed and Alex wanted it even moremussed, so he reached up, tangling his fingers into Jack's dark locks. Jack's unique smell was even more prominent and heady when Alex got close, but now he could smell the White Claw and toothpaste on his breath. He could taste it, too, along with a flavor that was distinctively Jack. If there was a facet of Jack, Alex was hopelessly addicted to it.

Jack pulled away with a hitch of breath and immediately rested his forehead against Alex's. "Hey," he whispered, reaching up to gently stroke Alex's cheek. Alex could have died from pure happiness from that moment alone, but the frequency with which Jack had uttered that word was not lost on him. Alex knew that it would be difficult to say anything cohesive right now; he would hate to try.

"Hey," Alex said back, his face flushed. He knew that he should say something else, but what was there to say? 'Hey, thanks for making out with me?' Not a chance.

Jack pulled away just a little, wrapping his long fingers around Alex's wrist. "Do you wanna, maybe...," he trailed off, eyes flashing from Alex's face to his feet again and again. "Go to my room?" He sounded so shy, and Alex was surprised to encounter that. Jack was a lot of things. Shy was not one of them. Alex couldn't help but beam in reply and he nodded more enthusiastically than he should have.

"Yes," Alex whispered, grinning from ear to ear. Jack slipped his hand from Alex's wrist down to lace their fingers together. Alex's heart was pounding so hard that he wondered if his chest might burst. Maybe he didn't care if it did because he had never been this happy in his entire life. "God. Yes, I do."