Be With You

44

I've never felt so defeated before. Never been so sad like this my whole life. Yes, I've experienced too many heartaches in all different forms but this is new.

So different that I was thinking that I disappoint not only myself but the people expecting me to do well on this part.

Especially, Quen.

"If you keep on crying your eyes will come out in no time." He joked. Again. Still trying to make me feel better but I can also see the sadness by just looking at his eyes.

What about our plans? Dreams that we should be making together after graduation?

"Maybe we are really destined to part?" The thought of my own words struck me again, another sob came out and I had to cover my face with the bunny toy I gave Quen since we started dating. He needs to take this when he leaves so he doesn't forget about me.

Again, the thought of him leaving me and having a new life far away from me made me cry harder.

I hate it really, I shouldn't cry like a kid but what am I going to do? Having a life with Quen that was always there for me became a routine to me. Nalaman ko na kung paano ang buhay na nandiyan siya. Paano na ulit ako kung aalis siya at iniwan ako mag isa?

I shouldn't be dependent on him. I know that.

But can you blame me? If the love that he gives me radiates the best version of myself?

He always pushes the best of me.

"Are you not breaking up with me because of this, right?"

The sound of his voice made me look at him, almost rolling my eyes at his question. Seriously?

"I'm ugly crying right here and you think that I want to break up with you?!" Wiping my tears using the back of my hand, Quen chuckles and shakes his head before pulling my hand then continues to hug me. "Whatever happens I will not break up with you even if you don't want me anymore..." I sniff, sounding like a kid having tantrums. "I will make you fall in love me again...I'll make sure of that."

I can feel the vibrations against his chest when he laughs. "I should be the one saying that." He sighed and cupped my face between his warm palms. "Let's make this work out?"

I stare at his face for long seconds. Memorizing every corner of his perfect face, every mole and all the angles that I love to gaze at.

"Hmm...let's make this work." I bit my lower lip trying to stop myself from crying but failed to do so. "Quen..."

Quen hugged me again and caressed my back, comforting me. I know he felt the same so I moved my hand as well on his back.

"We still have a month before graduation. Let's make the most out of it?"

I nodded and scooted my face closer to his chest. "Okay..."

"I love you."

"I love you, more". I kissed his chest. "Always."