"Yunjin, maybe we should stop seeing each other."
"Yunjin, I'm sorry. It's just not working out."
"Yunjin, I think you're a great person. In fact, I think you're amazing! But in a way, I almost feel... selfish? Perhaps because I have you all to myself. So, for the benefit of mankind, I am releasing you from the shackles of our little arrangement here so that you may go out into the world and disperse your... amazingness- ugh what I am even saying?!"
After what feels like hours of relentless pacing, Chaewon comes to an abrupt stop in the middle of her bedroom.
She finds herself standing directly in front of her full length mirror, an unfortunate position indeed as she's forced to look at her own disheveled hair and bitten fingernails.
Now, given that first impressions speak volumes, one should know that Kim Chaewon is normally more put together than this.
On a typical, quiet Sunday night, she'd likely be changing into her silk pajamas, preparing her outfit for tomorrow morning, and making progress on the cliché novel that magically managed to slink its way out of her local bookstore's "contemporary romance" shelf and onto her bedside table.
The plot of this horrid excuse of a book is as thin as the paper it was written on. The characters are pathetically one-dimensional and they seemingly fall in love after one whirlwind night in Paris. (Because uninspired books like these always take place in Paris.) The novel, as a whole, is so shallow and lifeless that it could make the finest poets, dead or alive, weep for its sheer existence.
Chaewon's ashamed to read it. She wouldn't be caught dead with it. The only reason why she's continuing to force feed herself this pathetic prose is because she never quits on a commitment. That's all.
It's certainly not because she wants to see Pierre (Really? Pierre?) inevitably follow Amélie (Really? Amélie?) to the airport in the final chapter, confess his love, tell her it's her, it's always been her, and plant the Frenchest of kisses upon her while onlookers whistle and happily toss their berets in the air for love has claimed another two victims.
What Chaewon wouldn't give to be curled up in bed, comfy and cozy, with a hot chocolate and this riveting pageturner.
Instead she's anxious and aggravated, rehearsing the age-old "It's not you, it's me" speech in dozens of barely differing variations.
"Yunjin..."
Chaewon inhales all of the oxygen in her room and closes her eyes, wishing for the right words to find her-the words that will definitively break up her relationship with Yunjin, but hopefully not break Yunjin herself.
"You..." Chaewon presses her palms together in a praying pose and points them at the mirror, substituting her reflection for Yunjin's. "Yunjin, you belong with someone who... isn't named Chaewon- damn, it just keeps getting worse!"
Chaewon slides her left foot behind her right, spins herself away from the mirror, a full 180 degrees so that she is now facing her bed. She lets out another tired sigh before plopping face down on her mattress, muffled groaning and flailing her limbs without much thought or care as to how ridiculous she must look.
Again, Chaewon's not usually this messy.
She's a 29 year old financial adviser with a mortgage and a fully paid off luxury sedan. The latest she's been on her electric bill is three days early. She watches those artsy Oscar-nominated films for her own enjoyment and she actually understands the messages they depict (she also knows to call them "films" instead of movies).
So she shouldn't be losing her mind over her Tinder date, of all things and of all people.
That's not to say that Huh is an insignificant person whom one can easily write off (like Fleur, Pierre's secondary love interest who dies of a convenient illness in the penultimate chapter).
She has a magnetic personality that naturally draws people in and she's the only person-out of the hundreds of men and women whom Chaewon has interacted with on the dating app-who hasn't pressured Chaewon into sex (although she has heavily, heavily alluded to it).
Chaewon has been on three dates with Yunjin at this point in their love story.
But Chaewon wonders if she can even call it that-a love story.
Wouldn't one have to actually, you know, be in love? Or at the very least, be able to picture oneself eventually reaching that saccharine stage when one's partner suddenly becomes the first person one thinks of when one wakes in the morning and the last person one thinks of before one retires to sleep?
While it may be true that Yunjin is the lovely lady plaguing Chaewon's thoughts at the moment, it's certainly not for all the right reasons.
Chaewon's latest Google searches look something like this:
How to tell someone they're not the one
How to break up with someone without being a dick
Is it ok in some circumstances to break up over text?
Is it better to ghost her or break her heart?
Chaewon feels awful, really.
She even feels awful about feeling awful because if there's anyone who should feel awful, it should be Yunjin.
The poor girl will be blindsided; there's no way she'll see this coming, what with the exaggerated positive feedback Chaewon has been giving her.
"It was so nice to finally meet you in person!" (LIES. It was "meh.")
"I'll add that show you recommended to my list!" (LIES. She never did.)
"I'm looking forward to seeing you again!" (LIES. She's dreading it.)
And here comes another lie...
Chaewon's phone vibrates and she pulls her heavy head up off the mattress with great exertion, like it's a chore. She sighs at the texts.
Huh Yunjin: Hope you had a good day today!
Huh Yunjin: Just checking if we're still on for tomorrow?
Chaewon "likes" both messages and responds with a generic "yes, see you then!" before Yunjin bombards her with the energy that Chaewon just can't seem to reciprocate.
Huh Yunjin: Awesome!
Huh Yunjin: I've got something special planned for us. Like, Third Date Yunjin ain't got nothing on Fourth Date Yunjin. You'll see!
"Sorry to say I'll be crushing yours!" Chaewon mutters with faux cheeriness as she types her "good night," turns off her phone with a half groan, half whimper.
Tossing and turning throughout the night, Chaewon gets roughly four hours of sleep before her alarm goes off.
YOU ARE READING
from which a garden grows / purinz
Fanfiction#1 purinz Sakura says every long-lasting relationship is like a garden: you first start out with a few seeds of potential. Chaewon doesn't see any potential in her latest love interest... ok maybe she's fine as fuck and her toy poodle is kinda cute...
