The Lonely Hearts Club

Chapter 49: Explanations and Considerations (Bree)

I wake up with Hades still holding me.

His body is curled around my own and his hair is tickling my neck.

In bright white writing, his clock reads 4:30 am.

I get a few moments of peace before yesterday night comes crashing back into my mind.

Saffron unearthed memories I've suppressed for years and if she hadn't brought anything up, I'd have carried on life without thinking about them ever again.

It terrifies me now to think about all the things I've done or had happen to me and I can't remember it.

The thing about me having sex for money is complex.

I liked the guys who paid me, they were attractive and older, and cool. They weren't seedy old men with scratchy beards or stay-at-home wives.

I just didn't think I was ready for sexual experiences, so I was offered money to sway my decision.

"I don't...I don't know if I'm ready." I mumbled.
"You are," he said. "You're hot and really mature for your age."
"But I've never done this stuff before."
"I won't be rough! C'mon Bree."
"I think I'm gonna go."
"No! Please, Bree, don't do this to me, I'll even pay you!"
"How much?" I asked suspiciously.
"A hundred dollars."

Back then, a hundred dollars was like a million to me.

And at first, I was apprehensive about losing my virginity to a guy so much older than me, but it worked out in my favor.

The first guy kind of knew what he was doing, it wasn't that painful and was a ten-second experience.

It was nothing like the horror stories I've heard.

He told his best friend about what happened between us and he became the second guy.

Again, it was incredibly quick and not a traumatizing experience at all.

I was young and wanted to go on that stupid school trip and still didn't have enough money, so I got in contact with a third guy.

After him, I never did anything like that ever again. He was called Lincoln and everything became scary.

During the act, he was clumsy and didn't know what he was doing. He paid me, but when I tried to leave his room, he grabbed me and begged me to stay and when I declined, he slammed my head into a wall, told me he was going to kill me and I screamed.

His mom rushed into his room and I think if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be alive. His mom gave me extra money to keep what Lincoln did quiet and I was able to go on the art trip.

It was only one night and we only saw one art gallery and one art museum, but it was amazing.

At my high school, heaps of girls did sexual favors for money.

It's not that shocking.

I guess with all the drama in these past few years, I haven't had time to think about it.

Now, looking back it makes me feel a little sick, but I have to remember what Hades said.

I don't really believe he doesn't care, but I'm trying to trust that he's saying the truth.

It also terrifies me to think of all the rumors that Rowan has spread about me.

I cheated? Got pregnant four times and gave him chlamydia?

It hurts me that anyone would believe that.

I always tried to be as nice as I could to everyone, that's literally why I even dated Rowan in the first place. I was called a bitch for even thinking about rejecting him.