Letters From the Lost

~Max~

Noah and I were in the car on the way to the arcade. I hadn't told Noah that I was really good at arcade games. When I lived in California, I had the highest score on a couple games. But I figured I would just surprise Noah by beating him at some games. Noah pulled into the arcade and got out excitedly, he ran around the car and helped me out. We walked in and he immediately pulled me toward some game I had never heard of before, it was some two player game like Street Fighter. After playing a few rounds, Noah gave up because I kept beating him. He claimed it was just beginner's luck.

We played a couple more games and I still beat him. "How do you keep beating me? I don't understand how you keep beating me!" He complained.

"I grew up playing arcade games, I had the highest score in every game that I've played!" I laughed.

"Wait, really? Why have I never heard about this before?" He questioned. A proud grin painted his face.

I looked down slightly, "It just never came up in conversation, I guess."

"Well, there was one game that no one has ever beat me in. Let's see if the master can beat me!" He laughed and dragged me across the arcade to Pacman.

"Pacman? Really? You're challenging me on that?" I couldn't help but laugh. I put the three quarters in and started playing. Noah came up behind me and wrapped his hands around my waist, and started nuzzling his nose in the crook of my neck. "Noah! Stop! You're distracting me!" I giggled.

"Oh, is it going to make you lose?" He questioned. I rolled my eyes and kept playing, continuously passing levels like it was nothing. Next thing I knew, Noah's hand gilded over the waistband of my shorts and stopped in between my thighs. My breath hitched, I tried to tune Noah out. I was determined to beat him. He leaned in and softly bit my neck. I felt a moan rise from my chest but I forced it back down.

"Christopher!" I said. He giggled. His hand moved up my thigh, the fire between my legs only grew. The little yellow Pacman crashed into a ghost and died. I turned around and saw Noah. I was going to chew him out but his tall stature always knocked the words out of my life. He really was so beautiful. "Do you want to explain why you made me loose?" I questioned.

"I wanted to win at something!" He whined. He was like a three-year-old wanting something from the toy store. My heart melted. I will always wonder why Noah acts like he's so mean and callous but really he's just a warm teddy bear.

"Okay, I'll let you win this time!" I laughed. I moved out of the way so Noah could play. He excitedly started playing Pacman. I decided not to distract him, he needs to win at least one game.

Noah didn't die for what felt like hours. But he wanted to leave. I asked him if we could go to the mall so I could see Lyla, he was more than happy to take me. The mall was loud and crowded, my anxiety resided in my stomach but Noah was calming me down. After a while of walking, he laughed because four of my steps are only two of his, so he gave me a piggyback. We saw the ice cream store and I saw Lyla and Eddy. Eddy saw me and immediately grinned, Noah let me off his back and I started running toward him. He hugged me excitedly. I haven't had a hug that tight in my life. My arms were wrapped around his chest tightly, I thought he wouldn't be able to breathe. I haven't seen Eddy in almost two years and he's my best friend. "I missed you so much!" I cried into his chest. He tightened his arms around me.

"Oh, Max!" He whispered. He let go of me, but I didn't want to let go. It felt like if I let go he would leave. I finally let go and looked up at him. Oh god, what happened to her? He thought. I was wearing a v-neck so all the cigarette burns were in line of view. And last time he saw me I was forty pounds heavier. "Don't...Please don't say anything. I know what you're thinking, but I can't talk about that right now."

Eddy and I talked for well over an hour, at some point Lyla joined the conversation. The mall was closing soon so we had to leave. In the car, I felt a sense of overjoyed sadness. I was happy that I got to see Eddy but his worry put a pit in my stomach. He cared about me endlessly, and him seeing how skinny I was and the scars, it made him worry a lot more.

Noah and I laid in bed, cuddling. We weren't tired, but there was nothing to do. I heard the phone ring, so I climbed out of bed. "Hello, this is Max Manson," I said into the phone.

"Hi, Max, it's Lyla. This is very important, but I need to talk to Noah," Lyla replied. I was super confused, Lyla and Noah have never had a long conversation.

I hadn't Noah the phone but listened to the conversation. "Hey, Lyla," Noah said.

"Hi, I wanted to tell you something earlier, but I didn't want Max to hear me." My face got serious, why would Lyla want to say something to Noah without me knowing? Was she going to say something about liking Noah? No, I can't overthink this, Lyla's a good friend and Noah is a good boyfriend. "I just wanted to say thank you for being there for Max, she's been alone while facing a brutal battle with Jackson. I haven't seen her that happy in years!" Lyla said.

I could feel tears well in my eyes, they were happy tears. I looked down while grinning. "Of course. I really do love Max, her happiness is my whole world. I'll be right by her side for whatever battle she faces," Noah answered. I had to walk away. I was grinning like an idiot. But I could feel the crocodile tears. I went and sat on my bed and waited for Noah.

A few minutes later, Noah came walking in. He sat on the bed next to me. "What's wrong sweetheart?" He asked.

"Oh, nothings wrong. These are happy tears!" I wiped them away and looked at Noah. He smiled, I leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, anything," he replied. His voice is always so sweet, I can never say it enough. His voice could bring mountains to their knees.

"Why do you never let people see the good in you? You always act so callous toward everyone. When I first met you, I honestly thought you were mean. I honestly used to believe everything Jackson told me about you. Until I could listen to your thoughts that is."

"I don't let people see the good because they only expect good," Noah answered. He had a point. If he showed good people would expect him to be perfect and good all the time.

"Noah, there is nothing you could do to be bad. You're human, and humans need to make mistakes. If you don't mess up, you can't grow and mature. Even if you mess up or show that you aren't kind all the time, it just means you are human. You messed up, so what? It doesn't make you a bad person." Noah smiled sweetly, I laid down and Noah did as well. He pulled me close to her to his body. I could hear his heartbeat pounding evenly.

"I want to be with you forever," Noah whispered. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head softly. Noah always tries so hard to convince me that he'll be with me forever. But I still have trust issues, I don't know if he will stay, regardless of what his words and mind say. How could anyone want to stay with a broken and ugly mess like me?

I lifted my head to look up at Noah, "No, you don't want me forever. I'm broken," I whispered. My voice was just as broken as me. Noah always tells me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me. He always showers me with his kind words. It's been over two months since Noah and I started dating, and everyday without fail, he's either told me or thought about how much he loves me. I know he loves me, I know he does. But I can't predict the future, and I always mess everything up.

"Then I will spend the rest of my life putting you back together," Noah answered. He smiled slightly. He rolled onto his back and pulled me onto his chest. "I love you so much, Max," He reassured.

"I love you too," I answered.