Letters From the Lost

~Noah~

I had searched for well over a month for at least a phone number from Billy, but he was nowhere to be found. I desperately wanted to make that wish come true for Max. That party was a few weeks ago, and Max was still so cold toward me. She still hadn't told me what was wrong, and I knew that what she told me about Jackson was wrong. Those words I know wouldn't make her fear me again.

It was Christmas Day and I still didn't really know what to get Max, but I remembered her saying something about loving to go see the view of the lake when it was frozen. Tonight I planned on showing her the song I had written for her, which was a little nerve wracking. I didn't really have a chance to go out and find Max anything, she said she was too scared to be alone so I stayed with her. But now thinking back on it, I don't think it had to do with someone scaring her, I think she was worried about herself.

"Max, are you ready to go?" I asked. She knew that I wasn't able to get her anything, so I planned on just taking her on a long car ride. I was thinking about it alot and she likes to get inside my head. I don't think she got me anything either, we've been home most of this month. She didn't want to go school, and I couldn't let her be alone.

She looked up at me after tying her shoe, "Yeah, I am," She said. I waited for her to walk first then I walked out.

In the car, she was silent. It was mostly just music playing softly. I didn't dare touch her, making her uncomfortable was the last thing I wanted and she still didn't want me to touch her. "Max, are you sure it's okay I didn't get you anything?"

She looked at me, "It's okay, I know you weren't able to get out of the house. Remember I told you that all I wanted was to spend time with you."

I smiled at her, I lifted my hand and set it on her knee. Her muscles tensed. I could see that she desperately wanted physical touch, that she desperately wanted to just hold me like I want. But there is something, there was something going on that caused fear, I hoped that it wasn't fear in me specifically.

I pulled the car into the parking lot for the lake. She smiled when I pulled in, there was a sparkle in her eye that I haven't seen in a long time. I couldn't help but grin. It was nice seeing her smile like this. We walked out to the dock and we sat down. She stared at the beautiful frozen lake. There was snow everywhere. It looked like it was right out of a movie.

I looked at Max, and just admired her beauty. The sparkle in her eyes was so sweet, I haven't seen her like this in a while. I wish that sparkle could stay forever. "You're staring, my love," She said, she turned her head and looked at me. I smiled, my love, that name was always my favorite. I've missed the real Max, and she finally came back.

"I like seeing you happy, I've missed it." I lifted my hand and set it on her cheek. She leaned into my touch. I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach. The look in her eye changed, but it wasn't fear. She was in love. She was in love with me.

"I just wanted to tell you that I really love you. I love you so much. I know that there was something Jackson did that hurt you, I could see it. But you don't need to be scared of me, you can trust me. Your happiness means the entire world to me. You're the love of my life and I promise that you're going to be mine forever. I promised that I would never break your heart, and I'm one to keep promises. I really do love you, okay. I love you so much, Maxi." I watched as tears formed in Max's eyes. She pulled away from my touch and stared down at the lake again. Tears streamed one after another down her cheeks. For a split second, I had my Max back, but she was gone again.

"Oh, Max, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry. What's wrong?" I scooted closer to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. Her muscles tensed.

"Nothing is wrong, that was just really sweet," She said. I wish that was enough, I wish that was the truth. I really wish that my words had made her cry, but I know that it was because she was hurting for keeping a secret. I couldn't just force her to tell me what was going on, I knew that she would tell me when she was ready.

I stared at her, she was in so much pain and I was back to being powerless. There was nothing I could do because she wouldn't tell me what was going on. "Remember what I told you. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm here for you, and when you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen. I know there's something wrong, but I'm not going to force you to tell me. You can talk to me, but you can wait till you're ready."

She rested her head on my shoulder, "Promise to hold me forever?" Her voice cracked. I pulled her body closer to mine.

"I promise." I just wish it could be me and Max and no one else. I wish that we could just hold each other and never let go. I wanted all of her pain to just end, and I wanted to stop feeling so powerless. There was so much that I wanted, but there was nothing I could do. If only I could go back five minutes and see that sparkle in her eye, to see the way she looks at me when she falls in love deeper and deeper.

I loved Max endlessly, she's mine and I'm hers. She was hurt by Jackson and I had no idea what he did to her. I wished that she would tell me what happened, she's back to square one and she doesn't deserve to be there. "Noah," Max whispered. I looked down at her, she continued to stare at the frozen lake, "I'm sorry."

I kissed the top of her head, "You don't need to apologize to me, sweetheart." She lifted her head off my shoulder and looked up at me, her eyes were bright red and her cheeks were stained with tears and mascara.

"Right, sorry," she whispered. I couldn't help but giggle. She smiled slightly before putting her head back on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and set my head on hers. She snuggled closer to me.