From My Mind To Your Pages

Hear this.

I could have spent hours or days screaming into a void trying to get you to hear me.
I could be miles away, and breathe a whisper and he'd come running.
It's been over four years since I've written anything, I haven't needed to.
I used to write to you every goddamn day because no matter how hard I tried, you never heard the words coming out of my mouth. I had to write to get you to hear me, and even then I'm almost positive you never cared to listen.
There was one thing that will hold onto me forever though. You told me your favorite that I wrote.
At least what was your favorite, because I'm sure after this it won't be. I wrote this excerpt years ago.

"But when I think about my future,
I see myself holding your hand.
Sitting on our front porch in the morning with our oversweetened coffees in our other hands."

And I didn't know at that time, that I did see my future, just not with you.
I saw myself waking up early on a Sunday morning, and sitting on my back patio with my husband. Him with his coffee, and my with my fruity little drinks because the taste of anything that reminds me of you makes me sick.

I spent so much of my time trying to get you to hear me, to love me.

And I'll say the one thing I have learned in all this time is;

Love is easy. Love takes no time and holds no boundaries. Love is breathless. Love is weightless. Loving someone is trusting them to love you the way you are, not the way you think they want you to be. Love is knowing that no matter what happens, I'll wake up next to him every day for the rest of my life. Love is doubtless. Love is full.

You never heard a word I said to you, but if there's one thing I want you to remember,
Hear this;

Love is everything you never were.
Love is him.
I married love.
And it was never you.

08/06/2023