We were sitting there on your couch.
My heart shattered on the ground, it's pieces mingling with yours.
I couldn't breathe past the sobs I was holding back.
I asked you if you wanted to know what I would tell myself if I could go back to the day I met you.
You yelled.
Or maybe that was the ringing in my ears leftover from when you said the words I'd hoped I'd never hear from you.
You told me it didn't matter.
You told my you didn't fucking care what I'd say.
You told me you didn't care.
You said it wouldn't make a difference.
That either way you wouldn't care.
I may not have told you then, but I'll tell you now.
If I could go back in time,
To who I was before I met you.
Before I loved you.
If I could tell myself one thing regarding my future,
I would tell myself that you would be the boy who shows me what love is.
I would tell past me that future me will end up being in love with you.
I would tell myself that you will come to break my heart.
That you will break me heart three times.
That the first time you break my heart, you won't be mine then.
That the second time you break my heart, it will only be just after you become mine.
And that when you break my heart the third time, I'll tell her to hang on.
I'll tell her that when you break my heart in the middle of your living room, I'll tell her to hang on.
It'll take a few days for her to get back on track.
I will tell her that although she will get hurt, there will be nobody who she will love as much as she's going to love you.
I will tell her that it's all worth it.
I will tell her that choosing to love you was the best mistake I ever made.
I will tell her to make the same mistake.
I will tell her that you are my favorite mistake.
And it would be nothing more than a shame to miss the chance to experience that.
I will tell her that she is going to have to be your friend after the pain.
Because she won't be able to handle you not being in her life.
I will tell her how bad it will feel when you won't talk to me.
I will ask her to send that text that I keep rewriting.
That is what I would have told myself if I could go back in the past.
Cause no matter how many times I want to text you, I can't bring myself to be that bother.
Cause I don't even know if you still want me in your life..
2/7/16
YOU ARE READING
From My Mind To Your Pages
PoesieI have to get the words out of my head sometimes. This is a completed work of 9 years worth of writing about the boy I was in love with. 9 years of expressing my emotions in written form. 9 years of him reading every word and treating me like shit a...
