From My Mind To Your Pages

Another Writing To You

My hunter,

I write to you because these words will never leave my lips. They will find their way to you through the tapping of my finger tips. One day, this letter will meet your eyes. One day you will read yet another thing i have spent hours analyzing just because i know you will read it. I used to aspire to be able to write things as elegant as you, but because of you, i am better than that. I have far surpassed you in the art of elegant scripture. I have spent hours training myself to make my thoughts sound beautiful so when they meet your eyes, you are not disappointed. Although, there are some days where you are all that is on my mind and i have to get you out. 

My hunter, there are days like today where i long to be held in your arms, just that. The simplicity of it. Just to feel the security of your arms wrapped around me. To know i'm not alone. To know i have you. But i don't have you. And that's okay. Because i have myself. I have 10 blankets on my bed, because there are some days where i envelop myself with every single one of them and imagine they are you. I  imagine each layer is one of your fingers laid upon my body gently, in comfort, in reassurance. And i can make it through the night, sometimes.

My hunter, there are days where i know i don't cross your mind. And there are days, not many, but some, where that doesn't bother me. There are still 448 days left until the day that matters. Until the day that all of your words will stand trial. I know you talk to other girls. And you have 448 days to do so. But time is ticking. And if you don't want me when the time is up, then i will be gone. I will leave, and you will never hear from me again. I will put as much distance between us as i can. I will run, and i will never stop running. I will run from you, and i will run from myself. Because you hold such a large part of me. I will run from every feeling  I've ever had for you. Every loving moment, every fit of frustration, every flash of anger, and every bit of you that is imprinted upon my soul. I will run, and never stop. I will be gone.

My hunter, I still love you, and i don't know how to make myself stop. I don't know how to make it all go away. I've tried drinking, my god, have i tried drinking. I've tried drugs, more than i ever thought i would do. I've tried enveloping myself in the people around me, and they all leave. You are even still present in my dreams. I don't know how to make it all stop. I need it to stop, just for a little while. I guess, if i can make myself forget about you for a while, then maybe, just maybe, it wont hurt knowing that you don't love me anymore. I wasn't going to drink tonight, but i find myself picking up the bottle as i write to you.

My hunter, I miss you.

That's all there is for me to say.

Please don't think less of me for this, because i love you so, and i couldn't handle that..

4/17/17