Behind my wall | Tom Kaulitz ENG

017

017

previously on behind my wall....

- Fuck you both- Tom says walking away from me and walking quickly down the hallway and Bill and I just watch.

Something told me that this trip was going to be very, very intriguing....

In this chapter....

Two days since the fight with Tom I hadn't seen him again, and Bill was sleeping in my room, I understood the fact that he didn't want to be around Tom, but what bothered me was the fact that he and Tom had fought, they were brothers and worked together they couldn't be like that....

I was lying with Bill watching TV.

- I miss the old Tom - I say and Bill agrees with me looking at the TV.

- "He's gotten a lot worse lately, he's completely unrecognizable." Bill says and I take a deep breath.

- "I started a fight between you, I'm sorry about that." I say and Bill looks at me.

- "It's not your fault Tom's like this" Bill says and I sit down on the cane and look at him.

- In a few days it's your anniversary, I don't want you to spend it fighting with each other.

- Not everything you want you can have, Anne- Bill says getting up and I remain seated.

- Fuck it, Bill, you're brothers, the least you can do is spend your birthday together- I say and Bill soon closes the bathroom door

I roll my eyes getting out of bed opening the exit door going towards Tom's bedroom door, so I keep knocking on his door until he opens it

- Damn that's annoying- I hear Tom grumbling on the other side and when he opens the door he gets serious- oh, Anne

I enter the room without asking permission and soon stop in front of the bed seeing the zone of that place

- "Come here, don't you have a hand to clean all this up?" I say and the bigger one stops right next to me.

- "What are you doing here Anne?" Tom asks throwing himself on the bed and I remain standing.

- "I want you to get along with Bill," I say and Tom lets out a laugh.

- "I'm sorry, princess, but that's not going to happen," Tom says and I take a deep breath.

- "In a few days it's your birthday and it won't be nice to spend your anniversary fighting." I say and the bigger one sits down facing me.- Bill and I were fighting before you showed up here Anne, things just happen the way they're supposed to - Tom says.

- Or do they happen because you're an asshole?

- If you came here to scream at me, you can leave- Tom says and I sit down next to him.

- I don't want to screeam at you, but I want to understand when you lost yourself like that....

- And who says I'm lost?" Tom says staring at me.

- It's pretty easy to say that you're lost, honey.

- "I'm an empty person Anne, and when I felt completely full I ran away, ok? I ran away and completely fucked everything up- Tom says looking into my eyes- I didn't lie to you when I said I wanted you, but I was completely afraid to give myself to a woman for the first time and have her all to myself for the rest of my life- The bigger one says looking into my eyes- I'm this mess and no one else can handle it, not me, not Bill, not Gustav, not even you- Tom says without breaking eye contact.

- I really wanted you Tom, if you had opened up to me I would have understood and helped you, we are all lost and we need a north especially in adolescence- I speak holding his face with my right hand looking at every corner of his face, his features, his marks, his eyes, absolutely everything

- The word relationship haunts me, my parents divorced when my brother and I were babies, he didn't even take care of us, the only person I trusted with my eyes closed was Bill, but then.... he fucked up too- Tom says and I sigh

- "It wasn't just Bill who fucked everything up." I say looking into his eyes, "Bill and I... it happened Tom, you can't torture your brother with this forever.

- You don't understand Anne, it's the same thing as me fucking your sister while you like me- Tom says and I quickly take my hand off his face and put it on my leg.

- If you want me so much and you don't want to see me with your brother stop being a coward and come after me- I say and Tom stares at me seriously- But you can't, can you? You can't take it to another step, and you can't keep your words." I say and Tom pulls the back of my head and I'm face to face with him.

- "I can't Anne... I can't..." Tom says closing his eyes and I close them too enjoying his company.

- If you can't, I found someone who actually can, and unfortunately it it your brother, Tom- I say getting up moving away from him- You know, for a moment in the past I thought I loved you....but thank God I realized that I love myself much more in the first place- I speak looking into his eyes and then I leave his room returning to mine seeing that I was alone, so I take the opportunity to go into the bathroom and cry ...

I really wanted Tom, in fact we were all confused, I was between Bill and Tom, the two gave me completely different and unique feelings, love with Bill was easier, and with Tom it was completely complicated, it was exhausting, and he was clearly not prepared to deal with eat, Bill was
Bill was...
He was ready to have me in his life....
But I still cared about Tom and I hated myself for that....

god, how I cared about him...