Behind my wall | Tom Kaulitz ENG

038

038

previously on behind my wall...

I was going to have Cecilia Cooper all to myself for the first time...

In this chapter...

POV'S CECILIA COOPER

I'm the youngest sister, considered the most spoiled in the family, my parents have always been completely absent and before Anne was old enough, we had a nanny, but Anne is now practically an adult and can take care of both of us.
My relationship with my sister has always been the typical of two sisters, we fight sometimes but we love each other

Our house wasn't big, although our parents had a lot of money, our house was considered a good house but smaller than other houses in the Berlin area, so Anne and I shared a room, it was a big room and had two wonderful beds, it was really very comfortable, although privacy was a bit difficult to have, we are two teenagers so you can imagine that...well, we need privacy, don't we?

I was fourteen, I was at the peak of falling in love with boys, I was at the age of imagining myself marrying singers and artists who would never know I existed, well, if you're reading me talking about this, I'm sure you're going through the same thing as me, I suppose?.

My best friend was Beatrice, we went to the same school and we were crazy about the same band, Tokio hotel, they were the sensation of two thousand and seven, all the girls loved them, they were simply incredible, the Kaulitz twins caught my attention a lot, although I always had my favorite, Tom, Tom Kaulitz was perfect, he was fearless and had a wonderful style, I could imagine marrying him, crazy right?
I spent twenty-four hours of my life listening to their music, I did absolutely everything listening to their songs, even at school, I would put my headphones behind my hair to hear Bill Kaulitz's wonderful voice in my ears, even my alarm clock was theirs, in short, I was simply crazy and in love with them, I just never imagined that my nightly fictions would come true...
After the band's charity concert in Berlin, where my sister took me and I watched from the stage along with Beatrice, my life changed completely, I became close friends with the band, and well... Tom Kaulitz is my brother-in-law now, that's just insane.
Bill's beauty was breathtaking, when he appeared without makeup he looked even more identical to his brother, making him even more beautiful, yes, I know, my sister took the twins and I was a little jealous, I confess, she was very beautiful and also very lucky to have the twins at her feet, they would do anything for her and lived a love triangle, I managed to survive that, that humiliation of the twins wanting my older sister, Anelise.
After a while, Bill and I became very close, I knew absolutely everything about him and now I also knew intimate things about him, and him about me, I stopped being that crazy fan who just lived on illusions in my room late at night, now everything I imagined was happening, I woke up every day with a good morning message from Bill, do you even know what that feels like? it's completely incredible, Bill and I were very close and he was completely fun.
Bill treated me very well, my nickname was "Engel" which means "angel" in German, and I called him Billy, or Big Billy, because he was much bigger than me.
During the four-month tour, we talked every day with much more intensity, he asked one of the staff to record every show and send it to me after it was over, it's our secret but he dedicated Monsoon to me, he said that even after a huge storm, it would always be me and him, before we went to sleep we always said goodnight and at the end we put "Dann wird alles gut" the end of the chorus which means "then everything will be fine".
Billy and I had a rather lonely life, even though I was very young I had never loved anyone and no one had ever loved me either, and now that my sister is famous for dating Tom, I was left on the sidelines, so Billy and I had that in common, and that's what brought us closer I believe.
But that dream.... I woke up from it in the worst way, I was in love with him, in fact I loved him, Billy treated me in a completely pure and beautiful way, he took care of me and was always there being my safe haven, that was beautiful and made my heart burn with passion, when Bill kissed me I felt a sensation of love never felt before, there I solidified my love for Bill, and I determinedly and intensely loved Bill Kaulitz.
But after that, we broke up, I'm very angry with Anne for everything she did, a part of me knows how wrong it is, but I just wanted one last touch, one last message, one last sign that Billy really cared about me, we had a magical moment and I longed for that feeling to return, but he didn't even look at me anymore, I miss that look of admiration for me, I miss Bill, my Bill Kaulitz.
I long for the return where I can feel the warmth of his body and hug him, listening to every beat of his heart and a seal in my head which is his way of saying that he loves me and wants to be with me, taking care of me.
I long for the return of our magic, which even though it was short, was infinite...
I long to love Bill Kaulitz freely..