I'm Scott Malkinson

15- Meltdown

The weekend passed by rather uneventfully. Scott watched Sophie's soccer practice after school as usual on Friday, then they walked over to Tweek Bros for coffee. Scott's sugar was a bit low, so he indulged himself in half a brownie from the bakecase. Sophie didn't need the extra sugar, so he bagged up the rest to take home with him for later. Clyde stopped in for a quick drink before heading over to Tolkien's house, and made several suggestive faces at Scott when he saw him out with Sophie. Scott wasn't sure he liked that Clyde had taken it upon himself to be his personal cheerleader. At least he didn't interrupt them by getting all up in Scott's personal space, so he supposed that was a win.

Saturday there was a huge rainstorm so Clyde's game got canceled and Scott sat at home reading for most of the day instead. When his sugar got low he finished off the rest of the brownie. Sunday he spent the day at church. After the service and his confessions, he headed off to the church's food bank to help them organize the canned goods that had been donated that day. Usually it was just him and the adult workers, but this time Dougie O'Connell had stopped by to volunteer as well. Together they finished pretty quickly.

It was a boring weekend, but most weekends were for Scott. He didn't mind being bored.

Monday Scott decided to take Clyde up on his offer to eat lunch with his friends, or more accurately, Clyde saw him on the way to lunch and practically dragged him into the cafeteria. The sudden and out of his control change in his usual routine had him on edge, despite his best efforts to tell himself it wasn't a big deal. He could eat lunch in a different place, it wasn't the end of the world. But then he opened his lunch box and found nothing but Friday's ice pack. Did he seriously forget to pack himself food? Clyde was kind enough to give him half his sandwich, which Scott begrudgingly forced himself to choke down. He wasn't really a fan of peanut butter. He didn't like the way it stuck to the roof of his mouth or the way it coated the inside of his throat when he swallowed. The cafeteria was too loud, there were too many people around. Cartman was very audibly making fun of him.

All these issues were little things themselves, but all piled up like that they felt extremely overwhelming. He brought one hand to his chest, gripping the collar of his shirt in a tight fist and quickly vibrating that fist against his chest to release all the negative energy and calm himself.

"Uh Scott, what are you doing?" asked Tolkien.

Scott felt Clyde's hand press into his back. "Are you okay dude?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Um, I think I just need to go out and get some air," Scott replied, getting up from his seat and quickly exiting the cafeteria. Instead of going out the door to get some air outside, he hooked a right and found himself a spot under the stairwell. This one was partially used to store extra desks and chairs, so Scott wedged himself behind the stacks of chairs, boxing himself into the very back corner. He quietly rocked himself back and forth as he cried, trying his best to stay absolutely silent. He cursed himself for crying over such  minor inconveniences, he didn't even know why any of those things felt like such a big deal to him. Scott was embarrassed that he did.

A few moments later he heard chairs shuffling and Clyde slipped in next to him. "Hey," he whispered. "Are you alright?"

Scott shook his head, hugging his knees to his chest. He felt like someone had his vocal chords in a death grip, and couldn't actually bring himself to speak. Clyde seemed to understand this, and didn't push him to say anything.

Clyde wrapped his arms around Scott, resting his chin on his shoulder and rocked with him. "Let me know if you want me to stop," he whispered. "If you don't want to speak you can just pinch my arm or something, okay?"

Scott nodded his head, and closed his eyes, focusing on rocking motion and the warm feeling of Clyde's arms. He let it calm him. When the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, Clyde whispered to Scott, "Are you ready to head to class?"

"Just a bit longer," he whispered. Even though he knew he should go, Scott didn't want to. He was feeling too fragile right now, and Clyde made him feel safe. Clyde nodded, finding one of Scott's hands and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Suddenly they weren't the only ones under the stairs. "Damn Craig, I didn't know we were still doing the sneaky make out sessions," a voice said.

'Not again,' thought Scott. Seriously, was every empty corner of this school a hookup spot? Was there no place he could go to be alone?

"Shit Kenny & Craig?" Whispered Clyde. Scott quickly turned and pressed a hand over Clyde's mouth to keep him quiet. The last thing he wanted was for the two of them to get caught back here. People might think they were using this spot to hook up.

"No it's not that, I just want to talk, like advice I guess," Craig replied.

"Uh, okay. Go on."

"So uh... there's someone I'm starting to have feelings for, and I guess we kind of had a moment and now they're kinda avoiding me and I'm not sure what I did wrong."

"I'm going to need more details than that Craig. Like what kind of moment are we talking about?"

"Uh... we slept together...?" [[For the whole conversation see my creek story, A New Kind of Feeling]]

"Holy shit..." Scott found himself whispering and Clyde pressed his own hand against Scott's mouth. The two of them sat there for the remainder of this conversation, forcing each other's mouths closed so they couldn't alert Craig and Kenny of their presence. After they had left, Scott felt wetness against his hand "Ew, Clyde!" He protested, his voice muffled by the hand still covering his mouth, wiping his palm against Clyde's jacket.

Clyde slid his hand off of Scott's mouth, resting it on his cheek as he turned Scott's face towards his. Scott felt his heart rate pick up significantly. What was happening ? He found himself staring at Clyde's lips, and when he looked up at his eyes, Clyde appeared to be staring at his. Were they going to do this? Did he want to? He shouldn't. Scott bit his own lip to fight off the urge. Finally Clyde spoke up. "Are you okay now?" he whispered.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

Clyde dropped his hand from Scott's cheek, and he couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed by it. "Hey Clyde? How did you know what to do to calm me down?"

"You can't tell him I told you, but sometimes Craig gets like that. He used to melt down a lot when we were kids, like around six or seven, but he kinda grew out of it I guess. I haven't had to do that in a long time. Do you mind if I ask what set you off?"

"I'm not used to the cafeteria. It was really loud and busy and that set me on edge. Also, when you dragged me in there I kind of lost my sense of control. Then I forgot my lunch, yours wasn't what I really wanted to eat so I kinda felt like I had to choke it down because I knew I needed to eat so I didn't go hypoglycemic, but I also didn't want to because I hate peanut butter and it feels too sticky in my mouth, and every minor thing piled up on top of each other and just felt like too much. I know that probably sounds really pathetic."

Scott expected when he looked up at Clyde, to be met with a look of judgment. Instead, Clyde's expression was sad. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you so much, I just thought you probably got lonely always eating by yourself."

"It is nice to have someone else to eat with, just maybe not the whole school..." Scott replied, awkwardly. He really didn't mind the idea of having lunch with Clyde, he was a nice guy and Scott felt comfortable with him. It was everyone else who made it overwhelming.

Clyde's face brightened. "Okay. Tomorrow you can pick where we eat. How about that?"

"What?" Scott asked, a bit taken aback. "You mean you want to eat with me again tomorrow?"

"Well yeah, you're cool Scott. I like hanging out with you." Scott thought about those words all day.