I'm Scott Malkinson

27- Kiss

"Have you ever thought about how, like, it would be to kiss another guy?" Scott immediately felt embarrassed as the words escaped his mouth. "Sorry," he apologized reflexively.

Clyde looked back at him, a bit of a sheepish smile crossing his face. "I mean, shit Scott, I've done more than just wonder..."

Scott sat up quickly, feeling a bit dizzy. He wasn't sure if it was the weed, the sudden movement, or what Clyde had just revealed. "Wait, you've kissed a guy before?" Was Clyde not actually straight? Had Scott categorized him into the wrong group?

Clyde made an awkward gesture back, some mix of a shrug and a nod. "Uh yeah once. It was a theater thing," he replied, immediately brushing it off. So maybe he was just straight. Could you kiss a boy and still be straight?

"How was it?" Scott asked. "Did it feel different than kissing a girl?"

"Kinda... it was nice I guess. I mean it was a half second long and wasn't like a real kiss, but it wasn't bad." Scott nodded, then tilted his head up to stare at the ceiling as he processed this information.

"Could I try?"

There was a moment of silence between them, and Scott felt the realization of what he'd just asked creeping in. He shouldn't be thinking of kissing Clyde. He really shouldn't. Just when he was about to take it back, Clyde said "Yeah, you can try," and Scott forgot about all the reasons why he shouldn't.

Scott adjusted his position on the couch, kneeling over Clyde's lap. He bit his lip as he focused on mentally preparing himself for what he was about to to, then when he was ready, he leaned forward, landing a quick peck on his lips. He pulled back, but as he looked Clyde in the eyes afterwards he felt this force drawing them together again like magnets. He gave in, pressing their lips together once more.

Clyde's hands moved up to his waist as they kissed. That simple touch felt like everything in the moment. He thought, a bit regretfully, about how he'd never felt this much with Sophie. He knew this was wrong, that he should stop, but he didn't.

Scott wasn't sure how long they made out, only that it was long enough for them to fall asleep together on the couch. In the morning, now that he was sober, the shame of what they'd done last night hit him full force. He sat up quickly, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his face on top of them. "No no no no no no," he kept repeating to himself as if it could change what he'd done.

Clyde sat up with him and gently rubbed circles into his back in an attempt to calm him down. "Scott?"

"I can't believe I did that, I- what do I tell Sophie? Shit shit shit. I cheated on her. I can't believe I did that. I'm such an asshole." Scott rocked back and forth nervously as he tried sorting the hundreds of thoughts attacking his brain. "I'm not that kind of guy. I didn't think I was. Oh my god, why did I do that?"

"Scott, it's okay, breathe." Clyde told him, still comfortingly rubbing his back.

"I can't. I can't. I'm a terrible person. I ruined everything. I'm not even gay. I don't know why I did that."

"Scott, you weren't in your right head. It's not not your fault. We were high. We weren't thinking." Clyde tried reassuring him. But it was no use. Scott still felt terrible.

"I think I need to go home, I'm sorry. I know you didn't want to be alone this weekend, I just can't be here right now. I can't- I'll call Tolkien and see if he can stay with you." Scott stood up, grabbed his bag, and headed out the door before Clyde could stop him.