I'm Scott Malkinson

26- Self Medicating

"What? You've never watched Avatar: The Last Airbender?" Scott asked in shock.

"Nope, never," Clyde replied, shrugging his shoulders. Scott stared at him with his mouth agape. "What?"

"I can't believe it. Dude, you're missing out on quite possibly the best cartoon of all time."

"Is it really that good?" Clyde asked, sounding somewhat skeptical.

"Uh, yes!" Scott replied. "Hand me the remote, I'm putting it on. You don't have a choice by the way." Clyde let out a snort of laughter and obeyed, handing the remote over to Scott.

Scott clicked on the Netflix icon and then typed "avatar" into the search bar. Once he'd located the show, he clicked to start it.

"Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Only the avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them. But when the world needed him the most, he vanished."

Scott and Clyde got a few episodes in before Scott noticed Clyde's nervous behavior beginning to return. His leg bounced up and down restlessly, and he appeared to be chewing the inside of his cheek. Clyde's brow was furrowing as if something had begun to deeply worry him. Scott paused the show and found Clyde's hand, giving it a squeeze.

"What's bugging you?" he asked.

Clyde shut his eyes tightly, taking a few deep breaths. "Sometimes I just get really anxious about my dad leaving," he admitted. "Ever since my mom died, whenever he goes on a trip and leaves me here I just get these really intense intrusive thoughts telling me he isn't coming back. I just get caught up in imagining all the ways he could die. It's pretty fucked up."

"Clyde, come here," Scott said, opening his arms for a hug. Clyde latched onto him without argument. Scott ended up lying on his back with Clyde on top of him, listening to Scott's heartbeat as his head rested on his chest. Clyde wrapped his arms around Scott's waist, clinging to him tightly. Scott had one hand resting on Clyde's back, the other up in his hair, combing through it gently with his fingers. "Does this feel better?" He asked.

"Mhm," Clyde nodded into his chest. "It does, thank you."

Scott wasn't sure if Clyde was particularly religious, but he figured that in that moment, praying couldn't hurt. It might even help. So he did. "Dear God," he started. "Please watch over Clyde's father on his business trip. We ask you to bless him with safe travels so that he can return home to his son without injury. Please watch over Clyde as well and ease his worries. Amen."

"Thank you," Clyde said again. The stayed like that for a moment, with Clyde settled against Scott's chest before he finally sat up and spoke. "Do you want to smoke weed with me?"

"Huh?" Scott asked, surprised by the sudden topic change.

"I just have so many thoughts just swirling around right now, and I think it might help calm them down. I just want to be out of my own head a bit. You know?"

"Can't that stuff make you more paranoid though?" Scott asked. "What if it makes things worse?"

"It can for some people, but I've never had a reaction like that. You don't have to do it with me if you don't want to. I just think I might need it."

"Uh okay," Scott nodded.

The change in Clyde's mood wasn't instant. It wasn't until he was halfway finished with his joint that the anxious look started to melt off his face. He looked so peaceful. Scott wondered what it was like to have your worries melt away like that. "Hey Clyde, actually, can I try?"

Clyde smiled and passed him the joint. "Sure Scotty Boy, enjoy," he said, giggling at the absurdity of the words that had just come out of his mouth.

For a moment, Scott just turned over the joint in his fingers, studying it. Then finally he brought it to his lips. He felt his lungs tickle as the smoke hit them and he coughed just like when he'd tried vaping. Clyde looked like he was about to take the joint back when Scott finally regained control of his breathing. "No, hold on. I can do this," he told Clyde. The second hit was easier. His lungs still tickled, but not as violently as before. He managed it without such intense coughing. The third hit he didn't even need to cough at all. By this point the joint was nearly burnt out and he passed it back to Clyde to finish it off.

Scott felt weightless, but also uncharacteristically heavy. His legs felt like boulders, but his chest felt light. He almost thought he could feel his soul separating from himself and floating above his body. He sunk down into the couch, lying across it with his legs in Clyde's lap. Clyde rested one hand on the top of Scott's thigh, lightly stroking his thumb over the denim covering his leg. Scott's heart fluttered at the touch. Now this, he knew was temptation, the silent wish for Clyde's hands to go on an exploration, the silent wish for this contact to not be so PG. That thought genuinely surprised him.

"So how's your first trip? What's on your mind?" Clyde asked. Scott blushed, but found himself unable to keep from asking "Have you ever thought about how, like, it would be to kiss another guy?"