Scared To Love You Again

16

Damian

Almost 17 years ago...

"Papa! Please don't do this! I'm sorry!" I scream in agony as my father throws me in the trunk of his car, slamming it behind him.

I feel the car move from where it was parked to an unknown area. My heart is beating rapidly out of my chest. Anxiety coursing through my body. Will they beat me again? Are they gonna kill me? I continue to pound against the hard compartment, hoping someone would let me out.

I hear a woman's voice shouting from inside the car. "He's just useless, Emilio! A little, useless fuckin' piece of shit! I knew I should've gotten the abortion when you told me to!"

My eyes filled with overwhelming emotions as I cried uncontrollably. "Somebody! HELP ME, PLEASE!!" The car comes to a halt. I hear someone slam one of the car doors making their way towards the trunk.

My father opens the trunk. He looks down at me with those bloodshot eyes, clenching his jaw. "Get out." He grits.

"Papa..." I quivered. Not moving fast enough for him, he snatches me up and throws me onto the muddy ground. Hurting and scraping my knee in the process.

"Hurry up and get in the car, Emilio! Leave him!" My mother shouts over the loud sounds of rain splattering through the night. He tries to retreat, but I latch onto his arm.

"Please don't leave me here, Papa.."

I feel a hard smack landing to the side of my face causing me to fall back on the ground. "Stop calling me that!"

He runs back to the car. The sound of four wheels scraping against the gravel on the side of the road was the last thing I heard. I rise to my feet as I watch the two people I disgracefully called my parents, drift off into the cold, dark night.

It has to be almost midnight. Afraid to move and don't know where to go, I hurdle back into the area where I was left. Curled up into a ball with just a t-shirt and pajamas covering my shivering body. What have I done to deserve this?

A couple days later, my stomach's growling. I haven't eaten or drank anything since they left me. Feeling light headed and dehydrated. It's beginning to snow. There's a car pulling up next to me. Oh, no. Is it them? Were they just teaching me a lesson? I'd rather die than go back. I can't see who it is, because their lights are flashing brightly in my face. A woman hops out of the car. "Oh my Lord! Angelo, I told you! It's a child!"

Another man hops out of the car. They run over to me as the man takes his coat off, placing it on top of my small, limp body. "How could some gutless maiale leave a poor innocent kid like this?" (Pig)

The lady crouches down to me. "Let's get you somewhere safe. Okay, sweetheart? What's your name?" She asks with concerned eyes.

My body shaking, words stuttering. "I'm D- D- Damian."

"Baby?" I feel little hands lightly tapping at my shoulders. "It's okay, Damian." My eyes shoot open as her soft voice wakes me out of my terrifying memory. Leila's straddling me. "Still having those nightmares?"

I silently nod. Looking over at the clock, it's almost 4am. "I'm sorry if I woke you, baby."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. I'll be right back." As she tiptoes herself from the bed, I throw my arm over my face, attempting to calm my breathing. This shit is fucking annoying. I hate sweating unless it's one of two things. After being gone for a few minutes, Leila comes back with a steaming cup in her hand. "Here, baby. Drink this. It should help."

I lift myself up to accept her warm gesture. Taking a sip from the glass mug, I wince as the hot tea lightly burns the tip of my tongue. "Mm."

"Oops. Sorry. I probably made it a little too hot."

"Nah it's fine, baby. I appreciate it. Thank you." She smiles and I set the cup on my nightstand. Returning to Leila while bringing her lips to mine. "You know I'm grateful to have you right?"

She stares into me for a second and responds with a reassuring yes. I lay back, pulling her down with me. Our bodies still naked after going round after round all night. Leila's hand rests on my chest with my arm wrapped around her. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Nah." I stare blankly into the ceiling. Just thinking. "Leila?"

"Yeah?"

"You remember when we first met?"

She chuckles. "Of course. Outside during recess. You were the new kid. I saw you sitting in a corner by yourself until I approached you. You wouldn't talk at first and I wasn't letting up either."

"You didn't care about my appearance?"

"I did." Drawing her fingers around my skin. "Regardless of your scars and bruises, you just seemed like you really needed a friend. I was happy to indulge in the favor." She acts on much grace as she plants a full kiss to my lips then drifts off to sleep. I stayed up a little while after, recollecting the past until my eyes begin to grow heavy as well.

...

Flashback

Damian sat and watched as all the other kids played with their friends on the playground. Some would come over to taunt and whisper about his bruises. "Eww, he looks dirty." "He's so weird." "Maybe he's homeless or something."

He didn't really care about everyone's remarks. He just continued to silently drag his stick in the plush sand until another little human being approached him.

"Hi." Her young voice greeted. "I'm Leila." Damian remains focused on his drawing. "What's your name?"

He finally raises his eyes to her. "Damian."

She delivers a warm smile and analyzes his broken face. She directs her attention to the healing wound on his neck. "Does that hurt?"

Embarrassed, he drops his head down to the ground. "Sometimes."

"I noticed you didn't eat anything at lunch. So I snuck my tasty cake for you. Do you like chocolate?" Leila asks, revealing the wrapped treat in her hand.

Damian hesitantly grabs for the snack, peeling the wrapper off. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Maybe we can start sitting together. You know, so you won't have to eat by yourself anymore. What you drawing?"

"Tic-Tac-Toe."

"Well you can't play that by yourself. You need two people, Damian. Can I play with you?"

He nods graciously. Leila struggles to find another stick to join, but Damian breaks his in half instead. "Here you go, Leila."

"Ooh. Thank you, Damie. Leila draws out another chart. "You can start."

"Well, my mama always says, "ladies first". You can go if you want."

She lightly shrugs her shoulders, "okay". They go back and forth competing between X's and O's when Damian finally makes the last move. "Yaaaay! You won!" Leila shouts with excitement while clapping her hands.

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not. You're supposed to be happy for your friends when they win."

Damian smiles. "Friends?"

"Mhm. You're my friend now. Which means we'll have each other's backs forever." Leila holds up her pinky finger waiting for Damian to accept in which he does. "And if we break it... karma will happen."