Phil Coulson x Reader Preferences

Ghost- A Phil Coulson One Shot

Trigger warning- this one is sad and deals with death.

Losing someone is the worst pain a body can feel. The empty bed, the silent house, the memories tucked away that replay throughout the day, into the night, bleeding into dreams. More so when those final moments are also there, constantly reminding you that new core memories with that loved one will never be made. You relived that day over and over, step by step, wondering if there was something you could have done. Something you could have said to make him stay. You knew deep down it wouldn't have mattered; you wouldn't have stopped him. The world needed him. You remember the moment Fury told you. Everything stopped and all you remember was the scream that ripped through your body. Why him? It had taken weeks to muster up the strength to even leave your room or shower. All you wanted was to go back and change it all, to take his place. If it had been you instead of him, you wouldn't have to live without him. Natasha stood by your side through it all and even Agent Hill who you had become friends with before the events of New York. In the end you knew Phil would want you to move on, to live life in his honor.

It had been two years since that day. Sitting beside his grave you placed the flowers you had brought by the headstone. "Hi Phillip. I brought roses... I know it's usually you that brings me flowers, but a girl can spoil her man now and then, right?" A tear silently slipped down your cheek and you brushed it away. "I'm trying to get better... to keep living life. It's difficult without you." taking a shaky breath you continue, "I never got to say a proper goodbye and it doesn't feel right sitting here, talking to a stone and hoping for a response back. It hurts knowing I will never hear your voice again, never see your smile, never see you walk through the door again. The girls tell me I should go out more, make some friends. I've tried, but it's hard." You smile a little and brush some leaves off the grave, "It's easier being home. It might sound silly but when I hear our song, I can still see you, standing there in our living room. Sometimes it's like we are still dancing together." You choke a little on the next words, "You're just getting a little harder to see these days. I'm not sure I can move on or that I could even trust someone the way I trusted you, Phillip." The tears fall harder as you try to keep it together. "But I know it's what you want, so I'm going to try, for you." Standing up you whispered, "I love you, Phillip Coulson. I will never love anyone as much as I have loved you. I will always be your girl."

Phil stood in the distance watching his wife cry over his grave. It took everything he had not to go to her, to hold her and assure her he would never leave her side again. He hated knowing that she suffered, that he could do nothing to console her. He never wanted things to end this way. He watched as she stood from the grave and wiped her tears. He wished he could hear her voice, but had he been closer he would have risked being seen. "I'm sorry, Y/N." He took a deep breath and tried to hold in the tears that formed behind his eyes, knowing he would never be anything more than a ghost in her future, "I'm sorry."