Project Athena | Reviews

Rise of Azongaar (Roses)

Author: WillBHeard

Reviewer: Rain_dropsand_roses

Genre: Fantasy

As a whole, I see great promise in this beginning and believe there is room for further growth. I must commend your writing style, as it truly captivates the reader's attention. The descriptions you provide are vivid and effectively breathe life into the world of your story. Moreover, the accents are masterfully executed, indicating that your skill in worldbuilding will be a standout feature of your narrative.

While there is much to admire, one area that could use improvement lies in the usage of commas. The frequent utilization of short, concise sentences can create a choppy effect and disrupt the overall flow. By incorporating more commas strategically throughout, you can enhance the reading experience and create a smoother flow for your audience.

Regarding the plot, while still in its early stages, I notice multiple storylines gradually intertwining. However, the blurb lacks sufficient detail about the main characters, leading to some confusion. Providing readers with a clearer understanding of these protagonists as the story unfolds would be beneficial.

I commend your skill in building suspense throughout the narrative. The portrayal of Flint, a character who appears lost and out of place in his new surroundings, effectively stirs intrigue and curiosity about his situation and the events that are unfolding.

On the other hand, the action sequence involving Torin in the second chapter felt sluggish and, consequently, became somewhat monotonous. Injecting more energy into such scenes would be advantageous to maintain reader engagement.

Torin himself is a lively and charismatic character, which makes him quite appealing. Readers are likely to enjoy following his journey and the interactions he has with other characters.

The introduction of the Brak Var game, native to the elves, is an excellent example of effective worldbuilding. You provide a clear explanation of this game, which adds depth to the story's universe and enhances the reader's immersion.

In summary, the initial chapters of your book show promise, with a captivating writing style, strong descriptions, and well-executed worldbuilding. While the pacing could be refined, the characters, particularly Torin, are engaging and hold the reader's interest. As the story progresses, the convergence of the plotlines is expected to create a cohesive narrative that will further enhance the reading experience.

Torin's vibrant persona and charismatic nature make him an irresistibly captivating character. Readers will undoubtedly find joy in witnessing his journey unfold and the dynamic interactions he shares with other characters.

A notable demonstration of skilled worldbuilding is evident in the introduction of Brak Var, a game unique to the dwarven culture. The author provides a comprehensive explanation of this game, adding layers of depth to the story's universe and immersing readers even further.

To summarize, the initial chapters of your book demonstrate great potential with their enthralling writing style, vivid descriptions, and meticulous worldbuilding. Although there may be room for refining the pacing, it is undeniable that Torin and other characters possess a magnetic quality that securely grasps the reader's attention.

I would give your book an average 3 out of 5 stars, since there's not much to work with yet. But with the plotlines expected to converge harmoniously as the story progresses, readers can anticipate a cohesive narrative that will heighten their reading experience even more.